Earlier today I needed to go out to get supplies for trick-or-treat. To be clear, by "supplies" I mean wine. I would prefer to just keep the light off, draw the blinds, and be antisocial, but hubs insists we have to pass out candy, so if I have to do it, I prefer to not be completely sober.
Anyway I made it to the liquor store and got a couple of bottles of wine (note: I do not plan to consume all of the wine tonight) and headed for home. Except the road home was closed. I should pause to mention here that I have no sense of direction. None. Like I couldn't find my way out of a box with a flashlight. I should also mention that where I live is a notoriously difficult place to navigate because of challenging geography (rivers and mountains) and is not on a grid pattern as a result. For a normal person this would be an inconvenience. For me this is always a cause for concern. My default strategy is to follow the car in front of me. Which I realize is completely illogical and highly unlikely to work. At least it was daylight.
So I'm driving along without a clue in the worlds where I was. No place to pull off and get directions on my phone. I may have also been somewhat distracted by the beauty of the western Pennsylvania fall foliage. I tried to call my husband to have him figure out where I was and how to get home, but he didn't answer (he's the sort of guy who can find his way out of a jungle with a compass and a knife). After driving for about 25 minutes (lost for probably 20 of that) I came upon a church, where I was able to pull off and get directions on my phone and take of my sweatshirt. Because hot flashes are apparently aggravated by stress.
Having directions was a good thing, except the GPS on my phone told me to go east on whatever road. At which point I was like "goddamnit Siri, left, right, or straight. I don't know east." Naturally I turned the wrong way and had to make an illegal U turn to right myself. Thankfully there were no cops nearby. Long story short what should have been a 10 minute drive took an hour, but I made it home. With wine. Finally.
I walked in the door and hubs remarked "took you long enough!" to which I replied "had you answered your damn phone you'd know why." For curiosity's sake he tried to figure out where my unplanned detour took me. Apparently landmarks such as "trees" and a "twisty curvy road" are not sufficient descriptors for him to figure out where I was. He also tried to show me a map and have me trace my route. This attempt was laughable. Oh, and he informed me that the car has a compass in the rear view mirror which may have helped with the whole "go east" directive....
This isn't the first time I've been lost. This isn't the most lost that I've ever been. And I'm sure this won't be the last time I get lost. This is just who I am as a person. I have accepted my lack of direction as a piece of me and know that it's never going to change. But I don't take myself too seriously and am having a good laugh about my scenic trip home. I hope you can too!
Oh, and trick-or-treat went well. I had a few moments of longing for a life that will never be mine, but for the most part it was ok. Merlot helped. Most importantly it's over for another year