Friday, January 30, 2015

Dream

I had the most amazing dream last night.  Hubs and I had a daughter.  She looked to be around three years old.  She was tall and thin with blonde hair and blue eyes.  I knew that she was our daughter.  She had hubs' eyes and thin build and my facial features and height.  She had my energy and zest for life but she was gentle and had a really high attention to detail like hubs.  Hubs and our daughter were assembling a Star Wars lego set.  Her name was Sylvia.  We were happy.  It felt so real.

I woke up in the greatest mood.  Then I realized that it wasn't real.  I don't mean to sound overly dramatic but it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.  Of course I couldn't go back to sleep because every time I closed my eyes I saw her.  It wasn't my life.

This has been one of the roughest weeks I've had in quite a while.  I just want to wave the white flag and go into hibernation for a while.

8 comments:

  1. I often used to have vivid dreams like that too.
    I haven't had them for the last few years. Obviously my subconscious accepted childless life already. Which is good.

    Sometimes I have vivid dreams about my beloved Wolf. I dream about doing something lovely together (like walking in our favourite forest). My subconscious obviously hasn't accepted the life without beloved Wolf yet.

    hugs from snowy sLOVEnia (I have just arrived home)

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    1. I think that dogs become such a part of our lives that it is so hard to let go of them. Plus, with Wolf, he was young and you could have never anticipated that you would have so little time with him. I'm sure it's a melancholy feeling when you wake up.

      I've never had a dream about an actual child before. I had a few realistic "I'm pregnant" dreams, but never about a child. She just looked so much like what our child might have looked like... Obviously my subconscious hasn't fully accepted life without children yet.

      Thanks for the hugs! They were needed!

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  2. Oh, this made me cry. The dream world can really deliver some torture, that's for sure. I wish I had advice or something comforting to say, but I don't. All I can tell you is that sometimes when I wake up, especially if there's a lot triggering going on in my life, my first thought is "Seriously? I don't even get it...."

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    1. I don't get it either! I mean the dream could have been about something nice like me on a beach drinking a mai tai or hubs and me winning the lottery. I still would have woke up and been disappointed but at least I wouldn't have been reduced to a puddle of tears who was up for the day at 3am. This is so hard.

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  3. Have you thought about it as a dream about a parallel reality? Sometimes I dream about living in a different home, and when I wake up I can describe that place up to the color of the curtains, and the fruit in a basket on a counter, and the people's faces, our friends visiting, conversations, and the view out of the window... I also had a dream about having a baby in my arms, looking at me with his blue eyes, breastfeeding (which is weird because I am not a fan of BF), so weird and yes, painful after waking up.

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    1. I haven't, but that's a really interesting thought! I must admit that it is so nice to know that other people have dreams like this!

      PS, did you watch Fringe? That's the first thing I thought of when you said parallel reality. :)

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    2. I did, I loved it! :) I like to think that something that we cannot explain is not just some chemicals playing in our brain but actually something undiscovered potentially amazing :)

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  4. Ugh, I feel your pain. When the realization sets in, it sucks. Xo

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