I'm used to not being invited to things. It's a shitty side effect of not having kids. Most of the time it doesn't hurt my feelings.
My niece's fourth birthday is next week. Apparently she had a birthday party today. I found out about it when I saw party pictures on Facebook. We weren't invited.
I don't even know what to think. We have a present for her and everything. Unfortunate oversight or not, my feelings are really hurt.
Exactly, it is a shitty side effect of not having kids.
ReplyDeleteI know. I have been there. And I still am.
sending you warm hugs across the Atlantic.
It feels worse because it's family, you know?
DeleteCompletely feel your frustration and hurt. This is what I once deemed the collateral damage of infertility. The fragile nature of relationships only get more frayed -- especially with crossed signals. I'm guessing there was an element of protecting you but when there's no etiquette around how to mange, it's hard to even discuss with family. Sigh
ReplyDeleteCollateral dammage is a much more eloquent way to describe it! I wish there were established etiquette protocols (e.g., please invite me but try not to get offended if I can't come). It would make things so much easier!
DeleteYes, I know how you feel. My best friend never invited me to any of her children's birthday parties, despite the fact that every year I delivered them, her son said he "loved Auntie Mali," and that I would have gone to them happily (except maybe the ones when I was recovering from loss). I still don't know if she did it thinking she was protecting me (we're no longer that close), or whether she just invited the parents of the other kids.
ReplyDeleteStill, there are advantages. Once they are old enough - and four is I think old enough - the fact that they get a surprise present from their aunt separately means that you have one-on-one with them, the present doesn't get lost amongst all the party presents, and the kids remember that you gave them something. That's what I tell myself anyway. Still, it hurts, I know.
It is so nice to know that I am not alone! I think that we'll wait a week or two and go over when it is between my niece's birthday and my nephew's birthday (February 20). With any luck at all the baby won't be born yet too, because I'm not ready for that..... You're right though, giving a surprise gift that they'll actually remember is probably better anyway.
DeleteUgh. Much better to be asked & given the option to come or not, than to assume you wouldn't be interested because it's a kid party & you don't have kids. Been there, not fun. :( Enjoy your one-on-one time later!
ReplyDeleteI really hate every commenter has had a similar experience. Ugh. It is nice to know that I'm not alone though.
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