A little over a week ago, I met Sarah. I've struggled to find the right words to write about meeting her. Why? Because I realized how important it is to be in the presence of others who get me and who understand what I've been through, and because I realized how many friendships have been lost or fundamentally changed because of infertility (or, probably more accurately, because of how infertility changed me).
I wasn't really nervous to meet Sarah. We know each other through our blogs and we seemed to get along in the emails and texts planning their visit. We decided to meet at a local lake to go kayaking. I figured that in the unlikely event that we didn't have anything to talk about, at least we could talk about nature. We didn't need to talk about nature.
I arrived at the lake a few minutes early, changed into my sandals, and applied sunscreen. As I was finishing up Sarah texted to let me know that they were there and she was standing outside the boathouse and wearing a pink shirt. I took a deep breath and headed over.
We recognized each other immediately and hugged like we've known each other for years. With that hug all of the walls that I've spent years building came crumbling down. I knew that I was with one of my people and that I could be myself with no fear of judgement.
I can only describe the next few hours as completely soul refreshing. I can't even remember the last time I was this unguarded in a face to face conversation with another human being. Empathy and understanding flowed from her veins, and I hope from mine too. Laughter, sarcasm, and cursing came out of both of our mouths. But so did deep and meaningful conversation.
Just going kayaking with Sarah (and Julio) would have been enough to make my summer. But the icing on the cake came the next day when hubs and I went out to dinner with them, got to show them our house, and seeing hubs open up in ways that he never has before.
As they prepared to leave our house, Sarah and I hugged again. But this time it was different. I knew that in a few short minutes they would be gone and that I would need to rebuild some of the walls that I didn't need with her. I managed to hold in the tears until they pulled away. '
I suspect that it will not be the last time that we spend time with Sarah and Julio. And I hope to get the opportunity to spend time with the rest of you too, because spending time with Sarah and Julio left me craving more time with my people.