On my second blogaversary

Two years.  Two.  That's how long I've been blogging.

41,137 page views
177 posts
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The stats don't provide the full picture though.

Friendships
Empathy
Compassion
Growth
Knowing
Acceptance

Those things and their impact can't be measured.

I do not have adequate words to express my gratitude for everyone who has been here for all or even part of this journey.  I owe a lot of the credit for where I am today to you.  The readers of this blog have been simply amazing.  I wouldn't be where I am if not for you. 

I am not the person that I was two years ago when I clicked "publish" and took my first blog post live.  I'm stronger.  I'm more confident.  I am resilient.  I've learned the importance of embracing grief, sitting with it, and working through it.  I've learned that my feelings are just as valid as anyone else's and that I don't have to apologize for how I feel.  In the last couple of weeks I've had more than one person tell me "you seem different" or "you seem more alive."  And the answer to both of those statements is that I am.  I'm emerging from the black cloud of infertility.  Dare I say it, I'm even happy most of the time.

There have been a lot of hard things in my second year of blogging.  I skipped my sister's baby shower and caused a bit of family drama.  My sister gave birth to my nephew and promptly forgot the struggle of infertility.  Two of my nieces celebrated their first birthdays.  I saw the conclusion of 22 consecutive months of at least one sister being pregnant.  Plus all of the unexpected stuff that jumps out and smacks me in the face when I least expect it. 

But there have also been a ton of great things about the past year.  Hubs and I bought a house and spent time fixing it up (only one urgent care visit required-so far) before we moved at the end of May.  Buying a house, I think, was a huge step in healing.  It is a happy house.  A house of hope and healing.  I got to meet fellow bloggers Justine and Sarah and for the first time in a really long time I could just be.  Conversation hasn't come that easy in everyday life!  I celebrated my 35th birthday and finally understood the cause of my midlife crisis.  I also took a huge step and outed hubs and I on Facebook for National Infertility Awareness Week, and the response was better than I ever could have imagined and I regained a lot of faith in my fellow humans. 

I'm looking forward to year three of blogging and reading blogs.  I hope I have enough to write about!  In the coming weeks you get to hear about my (overdue) annual visit to the gynecologist, always a treat for us infertility survivors.  My sister is also planning family pictures  for October, so I'm sure this will provide plenty of good topics for writing too, since, to put it nicely, I am not looking forward to this.

I've been buried with work lately.  I look forward to catching up on all of your blogs soon!  But in the meantime, thanks for reading, and thanks for being there for me.