Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has infertility related breakdowns. Like curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing for like an hour type of breakdowns. I'm taking my sister's pregnancy/gender reveal really hard, and I guess I didn't realize how hard until last night. Lets just say that it was ugly.
My husband and I are a fine example of opposites attract. He is very logical, rational, calculated, level headed, thrives on planning and routines, etc. On the other hand I'm very emotional, spontaneous, impulsive, dives headfirst into everything I do, etc. Despite being polar opposites of each other, we really compliment one another and have a great marriage as a result. While I know that infertility has hurt him very deeply, he and I are handling it in very different ways. His grieving was a short, liner process handled within himself. I have no doubt that he dealt with his grief in a logical, sequential manner. But I'm not that way. My grieving, on the other hand, is a long and winding road, full of hairpin curves, detours, and wrong turns. It's really hard on him to see me hurting. First because he loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt and second because he just doesn't get how I can still be grieving.
So back to the aforementioned breakdown. Hubs tried to comfort me by telling me that I need to get over this and that it's not fair to my sister that I'm jealous. Of course he said this a lot more sensitively and with different words, but that's what I heard. It just goes back to he and I being so different and handling things in different ways, so I don't hold it against him. Eventually he remembered that when I get in states like that, the only appropriate things that he can do are to hold me tight, tell me he loves me, and tell me that everything is going to be ok.
I know that everything is going to be ok. I know that everything is going to get better. But right now it hurts so freaking bad and I just want it to stop. It doesn't feel like this is ever going to end. I don't want to put my husband in a position where he has to help me pick up the pieces every time I lose it. I just want to be a normal person who doesn't breakdown when somebody gets pregnant.