My Crappy Week and Three Good Things

This has been a really tough week.  It seemed like everything collided and it was just rough.  I missed over a week of work at the end of September due to jury duty and I'm still not completely caught up from that.  To top that off, it seems like work conspires to have all meetings close enough together that it's hard to get a damn thing done.  But possibly the hardest thing this week was that my sister had her gender scan on Wednesday.  I was able to give my gender guess by phone without crying (barely) but later my idiot brother-in-law thought it would be great to tag me and hubs in photos of my nephew holding up a sign that said "It's a girl", my nephew holding up the scan pictures, and of their cute little family.  Thankfully I was able to hide the pictures and unsubscribe from comments and whatnot, but I still had to see them popping up on my news feed.  Then my sister texted to tell me that they had decided on a name, which coincidentally was "my" girl name.  Then at a meeting on Thursday there were three people showing off baby pictures (four people gave birth between April and June).  I was shown a picture, told the mother that she was cute and made a comment about her full head of hair.  Conversation ensued and I was asked if I was a "baby person" to which I replied "not really" and was then told that I'll change when I have my own baby.  I didn't even have the energy (and this woman is only a casual acquaintance) to tell her that no, I won't ever have my own baby.  Friday morning I got an email from a student saying that she found out that she was pregnant on Thursday and was freaking out a bit and was in no shape to come to class.  Also on Friday I finally told my mom that we decided to stay at our house for Christmas this year.  We decided that it was time for hubs and I to start our own family traditions because we've traveled every year we've been together and haven't had a chance to do our own thing.  She understands but took it hard.

After reading my previous post about emotions surrounding being child free (all negative), Obie challenged me to come up with a list of positive feelings about life without future children.  While I couldn't come up with 13, I was able to come up with a few.  I'll add to it as I come up with more.

Here are some positive feelings about life without children:

1. Unencumbered- It is a nice feeling to know that I'm not going to have to consider children when making life decisions.  Hubs and I can do what we want without factoring kids into the equation.  When we eventually buy a house we can buy the house we want with no consideration given to expanding our family.  If I want to accept a new job, we can move wherever we want without worrying about things like switching schools or pediatricians. We can talk about whatever topics and use whatever language in our house that we want to without worrying that "little ears" are going to repeat what they hear at school.  It feels like freedom.
2. Passionate-I think that one thing that most parents will agree on is that things in the bedroom take a hit when you have kids.  With no kids, we don't have to worry about this.  Additionally, without kids in the house we can be spontaneous and not worry about making sure the kids are in bed or that we'll wake them up.  I can say with 100% confidence that our sex life improved 1000 fold when we stepped off of the TTC train.  There are also bonuses such as, cough, not worrying about changes in your anatomy due to childbirth. 
3. Connectedness-I can focus on the relationships that are meaningful and important to me without feeling guilt related to sacrificing time with my children to cultivate adult relationships.

This exercise was difficult but I think it was important.  Sometimes I get so lost in the grief and anger of this whole shit situation that it's hard to see through it and recognize that good could possibly come of it.  So thanks, Obie, for challenging me to do this.