Today was better than yesterday, yesterday was much better than Monday. Monday night was just plain rough. I was fine until I wasn't fine, and then it was ugly. The previous post was written at the low point.
Appreciation does not begin to capture my gratitude for all of those who reached out to me in the comments of my last post and/or by email. I am so thankful to be part of a community where people understand. Seriously, thank you all!
My sister and niece came home from the hospital this afternoon. Everyone is doing well. I'm not sure when we will drive over and meet her. Part of me wants to go over ASAP and hold her and kiss her and look into her beautiful eyes and tell her that I love her.. The other part of me wants to run in the opposite direction.
I look at pictures of my new niece and am absolutely captivated by this tiny human. I'm surprised by this. I couldn't look at pictures of my niece born in February without crying for several weeks.
She has huge feet and long, skinny toes and fingers. She has my sister's nose. Her daddy's cheeks. Bright blue eyes. Chubby legs. She sent me a picture of my three month old and three day old nieces laying beside one another. It's amazing how fast they grow and change.
I feel a little of the all too familiar gut punch of looking at a baby with a sense of wonder while processing that I'm never going to have my own baby to marvel over. I know it will pass. Maybe this is something I will feel always when I see a new baby?