I went to the dentist today to have my teeth cleaned. I have one cavity and one filling that's chipped and needs replaced. I like the practice I go to, it's a father and son who are both dentists and a small staff. The hygienist who cleans my teeth is really great. Well actually she's a bit annoying but we talk about dogs and she asks me about my job and such. She talks about her kids, but just in a conversational, in passing sort of way, not in a way that bothers me. She's never asked me if we have kids. The first couple of times I went to the office I saw the son dentist (who is my age and has like four kids), and on about the third visit, a couple of weeks after we got the infertility diagnosis, he casually asked how the kids were. That didn't go well. I figured they put a "for the love of god don't ask her about kids" sort of note in my file. Apparently not.
Today I saw the dad dentist who I've seen a couple of times (I have bad teeth....) after the hygienist was done with the cleaning. Everything was going fine until he asked if I had any kids. I said "No. We can't have kids." Rather than taking the hint and changing the topic, he suggested that my husband and I look into natural family planning because it helped him and his wife to avoid pregnancy when they wanted to and get pregnant when they wanted to. To which I replied that I was really glad that it worked for them and then asked the hygienist something about her dog.
There are many things wrong with and awkward about this interaction, but I'm choosing not to focus on those. I'm sort of used to unsolicited fertility advice at this point. The thing is that I'm used to unsolicited advice from women and not men. Usually when men ask if we have kids and I say no the conversation moves on. They don't usually offer family planning advice. It was odd. I'm sure there was no malice intended and he just wanted to share something that worked for him and his wife but that's just the thing. So many assumptions were made with no consideration whatsoever about the impact of his words or how they would be received.
I was having a good day today so I was able to shake it off but on a different day it might not have been so easy.
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I got my period today. My first official post-IUD period. I got the IUD on March 17th, spotted for 71 consecutive days (yes, I counted) which included a month of medication to make it stop, had a week off, started spotting again for a week, and woke up today to my period. I hope this means that things are normalized and even more I'm hoping the bleeding will actually stop this time. I was thinking about periods and realized that three months of near continuous bleeding is merely an annoyance compared to my non-IUD periods (a friend was flabbergasted when I told her that). Also, starting my period today explains my lack of sleep over the past couple of days.
Ugh. Who would think you'd wind up in the stirrups (figuratively speaking) at the dentist's office?? :p
ReplyDeleteI hope your cycle sorts itself out soon. Spotting for 71 days would drive me NUTS.
In the stirrups....I made the mistake of taking a drink right before I read that line! LOL!
DeleteOh, the spotting is definitely driving me nuts, but compared to my periods (which literally put me out of commission for 2-3 days every cycle), this has minimal effect on my day to day life. I'm on day nine of spotting or period this round so we'll see how long it lasts.... Ugh.
I keep putting off my dentist appointment. I have problems when I get my teeth cleaned. I have a gag reflex so the hygienist always has to lather my tongue up with salt so by the end I feel like I've had a mouthful of salt. It does help with the gagging though.
ReplyDeleteIt amazes me that he didn't take the hint when you said "We can't have kids." Usually that means there's a deeper reason that the person doesn't particularly want to expand on. And yeah, unsolicited advice is often not helpful. Usually the ones I hear are often along the lines of, "Once you stop trying ivf, you'll get pregnant. A friend of a friend did that after five years on ivf and she got pregnant!" Glad you were able to let it slide right on past though.
Man, 71 days ... and here I was complaining about 30 days of bleeding after the mc. I hope everything normalizes for you soon. It's annoying when things like that happen.
Ewww! I've never heard of lathering up one's tongue with salt! That sounds like it would be gross and ineffective. I don't particularly like going to the dentist, but my teeth aren't the greatest, so I try to go twice a year for cleanings and to get any cavities/decay addressed before they require expensive root canals and crowns.
DeleteI HATE the "once you stop trying...." types. I just want to scream that I have shit ovaries and have a better chance of getting struck by lightening then getting pregnant.
I vote that any bleeding at all coming from our lady parts deserves complaining. It doesn't matter if it's one day or 100 days, it's still annoying!
I wish my dentist's office would put a big note in my file as well --"DON'T ASK HER ABOUT KIDS!" It's the worst--being in a physically vulnerable position and then to be soccer punched emotionally with questions with no where to run. My eyes have filled with tears in that situation more than once. :( Awkward for everyone.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you've had to go through it too! It would make things so much easier if they would just put a note in the file. I was prepared for the "we need to do x-rays, is there any chance you're pregnant" question, but not for freaking advice. Just goes to show that we can't prepare for everything, I suppose.
DeleteOMG. Advice that includes information how to prevent pregnancies? Some people are just d**n stupid.
ReplyDeleteI think he was just being a good Catholic. But it was so awkward. And completely unsolicited!
DeleteNatural Family Planning?? How kindergartenesque. When are people with easily conceived children going to learn that they know nothing about human reproduction???
ReplyDeleteWhen hell freezes over? Though that may be optimistic.
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