She was born around 2 this afternoon. She has a head full of dark, curly hair. Healthy. Perfect. Mom and dad and baby are doing great. Her big sisters are enamored.
Me? I'm feeling fragile.
I'm feeling all of the ugly feelings.
It's not fair.
Why does she get three and I get zero?
What did I do to deserve this?
It's not fucking fair.
How do three unplanned pregnancies happen?
Even though the logical part of my brain understands that fertility is completely random and her apparent surplus of fertility has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on my asshat ovaries and their inability to function as intended, right now it feels that way. It feels like her success is laughing at my failure.
I get tonight to feel sorry for myself. I get tonight to drink (a lot of) wine and cry. Tomorrow is a new day. I will be nicer to me.
On the bright side, I don't have anymore pregnant sisters (at least that I know of).
Tomorrow will be better. So will the next day and the next day and the next day.