I'm finally out from under a work-related deadline and can finally breathe again. I have a bunch of posts bouncing around in my head right now, but I'll save those for another day. Instead I will write a hodgepodge post about a few little tonight.
We're loving our new house. It feels so happy and welcoming here. There are a few things we're still working on. For example we took all of the (old, solid wood) interior doors down so we could paint them as well as the molding and door frames around them. We'd planned to have them painted and rehung before we moved in, but there were some red paint related delays (trust me....if you ever want to paint a room red, hire a professional painter) and we didn't get them done. So they are currently stashed in our basement until we get them painted. The main problem is that they are too heavy for me to carry up the stairs by myself, whenever hubs has been home to help me carry them outside, it's been raining, and I don't want to paint indoors for obvious reasons. But I'm going to get them done soon, darn it! The next projects are to gut and redo the upstairs bathroom and put up a fence (for the dog). The bathroom we will do ourselves but the fence we will probably hire out for.
The Sunday after we moved I went to the rental to give it a good cleaning before the final walkthrough with the landlord. Seeing the house empty was sobering. The walls of that house witnessed so many sad times. It was the house where we were supposed to start our family, which I suppose did actually happen, but it wasn't the family that we envisioned. I sat down on the stairs and had a good cry and said goodbye to that sad house. When the landlord arrived for the walkthrough his wife and (drumroll......) two week old infant daughter came along too. So 30 minutes or so after I had my last cry about never having a baby of my own in that house, in walks a brand new baby. Talk about a kick to the ovaries! I maintained my composure, got through it, and we never have to step foot in that house again. Side note: The landlord and his wife got married in late June of 2015 and had a baby in early May of 2016. So in fertility math, that means she was pregnant about a minute after they got married. Because that's how it works for normal people.
A friend that I made when I was going through infertility recently had a baby. This woman had numerous miscarriages and one stillbirth. Really hard stuff that nobody should have to go through. I am genuinely thrilled for her and her husband that they finally got their much wanted baby. But Facebook. Damn Facebook. More than one congratulatory comment said "you deserved this!" I hate that. Using that logic I didn't deserve to get pregnant. Which is so false, because pregnancy isn't a question of deserving or not deserving (pregnant crack whores prove this), but is an issue of appropriately functioning reproductive organs.
My 35th birthday is rapidly approaching. I'm still in the midst of my midlife crisis. Ugh.
It is nice to see what's been going on lately, I missed your writting!
ReplyDeleteI also hate comments "you deserved this". Exactly. What did we do wrong that we didn't deserve it?
I think I am having midlife crisis too. But I guess it is not age related, it has more to do with giving up the dream about how the life is supposed to be. And to adjust the plans to my reality.
have a nice week.
I think that my midlife crisis is similar to yours, it's just the birthday seems to be fueling it.
DeleteAnd exactly, we didn't do anything wrong. We actually did everything right!
Yes, I absolutely hate when people say "you deserve this", too. I actually heard my own mother say it to my sister when she got pregnant (and my mother knows about my struggles). I am sure my mom loves me, but she just did not *think*. Most people do not. On a good day, I will see it as a motivation to educate people. On a bad day, it just hurts. By the way, I am not that much older than you (37)!
ReplyDeleteOuch! It's hard to witness it from a distance by random people on the internet, but for your mother to say it to your sister, in front of you....must have been brutal. Also, I find that most people don't think, nor do they understand how their words can cause pain. It's neat that we're so close in age!
DeleteFor some reason I had thought you were much older than me but we are almost the same age. I pretty much unfollow and hide the posts of anyone who is pregnant, sometimes the facebook messes up. I especially love all the posts my supposed best friend has posted this week in response to all the good times her and her other friend will have now that they both have babies. I'm glad I've been busy painting my new house. I don't know how we will feel leaving our apartment since we will have to come back, it's part of my in-laws house.
ReplyDeleteYou should most certainly hire out for the fence. installing that yourself and having a dog is only going to lead to anxiety you don't need. Also agree on the red paint. One of my sisters tried a red paint years ago, it didn't work out, she painted over it green, but you still can feel the red while you are in there.
Ha! I'm the oldest of four so maybe that makes me seem older than my years? I will say that in real life my humor is more similar to that of a 13 year old boy than a mid 30s professional woman...
DeleteHopefully you won't have to be in the actual apartment again, or at least not often. I so hope that your new home brings the same feelings that mine has.
We're definitely hiring out for the fence. I'm pulling rank on this one. Hubs wants us to do it, but I grew up on a farm and am intimately and unpleasantly acquainted with the backbreaking labor required to put up fence.
Oh, and nice to have a fellow comrade in the "infertiles with multiple sisters" club.
Yes, often it isn't the people who are pregnant who say the things that slay us, but all the other comments. I had a friend who was pregnant twice during my infertility and in the midst of my losses (literally she was in the hospital having her first when I was a few floors downstairs losing my second). She was wonderful. But the comments from others - in front of me - made me cry (though later, in secret).
ReplyDeleteGlad you're loving the new house. A new place for wonderful memories.
I'm not sure if people don't think or if they are just oblivious. Words have the potential to have a lasting impact, both good and bad. It does give me at least some hope for humanity that your actual friend was quite sensitive.
DeleteWow, your house doesn’t know what hit it. I love hearing all about the projects you are/will be doing.
ReplyDeleteUgh, that’s quite a parting kick you got as you closed the door on your old house.
Hearing comments like “You deserved this” certainly makes me feel unworthy. It’s on a par with “you only get what you can handle”....It makes me wonder, who did I pi** off in a previous life?
Just tell that mid life crisis to take a number and wait in line – you’ve got renovating to do!!
I will add "it's God's will" to your list!
DeleteI like your idea for telling the midlife crisis to beat it!
It’s on my list but crossed out...... I refuse to believe that God can be that cruel.
DeleteMe too! I've had people say it to me and I hate it!
DeleteArgh, these birthdays that are divisible by 5....! :p ;) We deserved it too, damnit. :p Don't let anyone tell you (or imply) otherwise. I know, I know, they don't mean it that way -- probably never in a million years would realize that someone might take offense to that remark. Maybe we just need to remind ourselves. Glad you are enjoying the new house! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so true...people just don't think or realize.
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