Who is going to be there for me when I get old? This is a question that's not new to this community. We've all wrote about it or at least thought about it. I've thought about it a lot too. The last five days have provided the occasion to think a lot about it.
We were at my in-law's house on Saturday when I got a text from my mom asking if I could call her as soon as possible, which isn't my mom's style at all, so I knew something was up. My dad had a heart attack. Luckily, at least at that point, it appeared to be a pretty minor heart attack. She called again on Sunday morning after meeting with the cardiologist and the plan was for him to have a heart catheterization on Monday
After taking with hubs, the plan we devised was to return home to our house on Sunday afternoon (our original plan) and then I would leave early on Monday morning to drive to my hometown to be with my mom. One sister had a meeting that she couldn't miss, another sister just started a new job in July so she couldn't miss the day of work, and my youngest sister is a stay at home mom to three kids and didn't have a babysitter. I'm glad it worked out that I could be there, but there is some irony in the fact that I live 150 miles away from my parents and in a different state but all three of my sisters reside in the same county as our parents. I was thankful to have the ability to rearrange my schedule to be there.
He had the heart cath on Monday, they found a 99% blockage in a really challenging place, cleared it, and placed a stent in his artery. The heart attack was quite a bit more significant than the blood tests indicated, but with some minor diet and lifestyle changes and some medication, he should be just fine for a long time to come. He was able to go home on Tuesday evening, but was told he shouldn't really do strenuous physical activity for at least two weeks, which is extremely hard for a 62 year old man who has worked every day for the better part of the last 50 years. Between this and my mom's breast cancer scare in June/July, I think I'm maxed out in the "parental health crisis" stress category. I'm so grateful because they were both lucky, our family was lucky. Hopefully both will be healthy for a long time to come!
My dad's heart attack and me making sure to be there to support my mom made the reality of not having children hit me pretty hard. If hubs ever has a major health crisis, who is going to drop everything and rush to be with me? If I ever have a health crisis, who is going to drop everything and rush to be with hubs? We have nieces and nephews, sure, and while we have a great relationship with all of them, we're not particularly close with any of them and they all live in a different state, so we're not going to be able to count on them. It's a lonely feeling. I feel the need to plan for this, but how does one even plan for the unknown?
It is times like this where the weight of infertility is crushing. It is times like this that make me question decisions that we made. I'll get through this just like I always do. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better. I have so many things to be thankful for.