Thursday, July 6, 2017

The posts I want to write

I have a lot on my mind yet I seem to have lost my writing mojo.  Not to mention that free time seems to be lacking.

I want to tell you about how we're updating the look of our house by painting the exterior.  About how it's taking longer (and costing more money) than anticipated.  And about how, despite my complaints, many trips to the home improvement store, and arguments with hubs', I'm loving every single minute of it.

I want you to know that my poison ivy is almost gone.  It took a seven day course of steroids to jump start the healing, but slowly but surely it's disappearing.  And at least it doesn't itch (that much) anymore, though I suspect I may have some scarring around my ankles and on my right wrist.

I want to tell you about our absolutely fantastic trip to London that was everything I'd hoped it would be and more!  While we saw so many amazing things while we were there, easily my favorite was using the public transportation network.  You see, I've always had a fascination with mass transit (to the extent that if I had a career do-over, I'd probably be an engineer), so it's no surprise that I'd have a fascination with one of the first mass transit networks in the world.  Maybe someday we'll get to live abroad! 

Back in April I wrote about a potential promotion at work.  I didn't get it.  There were politics involved.  The process was circumvented.  I don't know how to play that game (and even if I did I wouldn't).  I'm less upset that I didn't get the promotion then I am about HOW I didn't get it.  I'm sure there will be other opportunities at some point, here or elsewhere.  At the end of the day I have a job that I love and that I get a lot of fulfillment from, and that alone is more than a lot of people have and something to be thankful for.

I want to write a post about Father's Day and how that day is actually harder for me than Mother's Day.  Because, medically speaking, it is my fault that my husband will never be a father.  While he's always said that he'd rather be with me and not have kids then be with someone else and have a litter of kids, it's still guilt that I live with and that I can't shake.

I want to tell you about my favorite niece and how her birthday is always a bittersweet day for me.  When I took her from the doctor's hands and handed her to my sister so she and my brother-in-law could marvel at the chubby, blue eyed, dark hair beauty that she was/is, I didn't know that it would be as close as I would ever come to experiencing childbirth.  This year it hit me a bit hard.

I want to complain about how sometimes the universe sucks.  Like how hubs and I had planned a trip to Long Island so he could see a band he's always wanted to see in concert, we could spend some time lounging at a beach cottage, and spend some time with Sarah and her wonderful husband Julio.  But that was all snatched away when hubs ended up in the ER with kidney stones less than 36 hours before we were supposed to leave.  With the help of some pretty powerful pain meds, he was able to pass them, but it really was shitty timing.  Though honestly, I'm glad it happened when it did as opposed to while we were away, because I have no desire to navigate the bullshit that is finding an "in network" hospital in a different state.

And finally, I want to write about how Independence Day was hard to celebrate this year.  America is no longer the great nation that I was born in and lived the first 35.5 years of my life in.  We are as divided and as hateful as ever and it's frightening.  It is my sincerest hope that we can weather this illegitimate president and impeach him before the Constitution and this country are irreparably damaged. 

So that's a bit about what's been on my mind.  Maybe eventually I'll sit down and write it all out.


  1. Hugs lady. All of it is a lot.

  2. Glad to hear about your fun trip to London! Sorry about the job situation and your hubby missing the trip due to kidney stones. Great the poison ivy is almost gone! Yeah I can imagine living in the States must be hard with the huge divide. All the stories of Trump often just make me despair.

    1. Pretty much every day I think that it can't get worse. And it always does. I am so sad for my country.

  3. As Cristy said, that is a lot. I'm glad you're enjoying your house-painting, and it sucks about missing the trip away. Even though London was not long ago, neither was my trip, but I always say that as soon as we arrive home, we're once again in a form of trip deficit!

    It also sucks about the promotion. One of the reasons I left my job as a diplomat was the level of internal politics, and one of the reasons I didn't want to stay in the corporate world was the level of politics and/or sucking up that I would have had to do! So the fact that you know who you are, and you aren't prepared to compromise her, calls for a big pat on the back.

    And I'm so sorry about Father's Day and your niece's birthday being tough. Sometimes it just hits us. And you're still relatively early into this little club of ours that nobody really wanted to join.

    1. I will never understand internal politics. It's a double edged sword. I don't want to participate because doing so would probably compromise my own personal values, but not doing so will mean lack of opportunities for advancement. It makes me feel a bit better knowing that you were faced with the same decisions and chose the same path.

  4. Hooray for great trips to London and poison ivy leaving, finally. Oh man, so much stuff to hit at once otherwise. I'm so sorry that you didn't get the promotion in the crappiest way possible. I'm glad you did what felt right to you, but it sucks to do the right things and NOT be rewarded for integrity. And Father's Day, ouch. So tough. I have no baby nieces or nephews since Bryce is an only child and my sister married someone with teenage sons who are now mostly out of the house, so I don't know that special pain, but I can imagine it's so, so hard. And I'm shaking my fist at the universe for the kidney stones timing, grrr. Glad your husband is okay, but that does suck. And yeah, hard to celebrate America when it seems every day things are chipped away and our leadership is a mockery. I mean, I still feel lucky to live here, but it's definitely a different feeling and I cringe every time I hear the news because WHO KNOWS what's next.

    Thinking of you, lady. Sending lots of love for all the hurts out there, and congrats for the things that have been going well. Especially farewell to the poison ivy. :)

  5. Glad to hear the poison ivy is fading, and that you had such a good time in London :) but sorry about the other stuff, especially dh's kidney stones (owww!!). Not sure why all these things always happen at the same time or close together...! (((hugs)))