I met my new niece last weekend. She's one month old. Hubs and I both had a hard time with my sister's pregnancy and our new niece's birth. Thankfully the weather cooperated (for once) and gave us a snow storm every weekend from the time she was born until this past weekend giving us a convenient and true excuse to not make the three hour trip before we were ready. With no crappy weather in sight and me on spring break we were out of excuses and scheduled the obligatory visit for this past weekend.
Meeting the baby was wonderful. She's cute and healthy and tiny and perfect. And for as much of an (unintentional) jerk as my sister was during her pregnancy she seems to be a very relaxed mom and actually didn't say or do anything that hurt my feelings, so that was nice.
Saturday was also my mom's birthday so my youngest sister (the pregnant sister) organized a small party for her at my parent's house. I thought that it was going to be a small gathering for family but it turned out to be quite a few of her friends too. I learned that my mom has told pretty much everybody she knows about our infertility issues, despite me asking her to keep it between the two of us.* So not only did I get the pleasure of being around a whole bunch of women, all mothers, who talked about all the fun things that this particular demographic talks about when they get together, but I also got to feel like all eyes were on me. Fun times.
The non-highlight of the weekend came when my grandma said to me "you really should give her to someone who knows what they are doing" when I was holding the baby and she woke up and started to squeak. That was perhaps the most hurtful thing that anyone has ever said to me. I mean, she cried for like three seconds. Last time I checked that's pretty much what babies do. I suspect that she just wanted to hold the baby but there are much better ways to go about asking to do so. It took everything I had in me to not cry, go batshit crazy on her, or some combination of the two. I took my dog on a hike and my grandparents were gone when I returned. I honestly don't know if I'll ever speak to her again.
I was able to pull on my big girl pants, slap a smile on my face, and survive the weekend. A few good memories were made but the majority of the weekend was just plain hard. It's times like this when I realize that I may not be as far along in the healing process as I thought that I was. Right now I feel pretty vulnerable and am still processing the weekend. I thought I was doing so well. I guess not. And to think that I get to do this all over again in June. Yay.
*To clarify, I do not necessarily mind that people know, I just feel like it wasn't my mom's place to tell anyone since I explicitly asked her not to.
Well done! Survival is a major achievement, and you should give yourself a big pat on the back for that. Sorry your mum blabbed to everyone, and that your grandmother was so thoughtless. These days I have a ready response to comments like that (usually involving suggesting they engage their brain before speaking), but at the times I felt it most painfully I never did. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mali! I'm just glad it's over! You told me a while back that the anticipation of going would be harder than the actual visit would be, and I think that's definitely the case. For the most part everything went as I expected it would. There are always going to be conversations that I don't want to be a part of, people are always going to say insensitive things (intentional or not), and my mom is never going to be able to support me in the ways that I wish she could.
DeleteI'm glad you had a few weeks to prepare and hopefully the excitement had died down a little bit. I'd say I'm surprised by what your grandma said, but sadly, I've been there too. My inlaws won't even let me change a diaper. I once pointed out that I was the oldest of my siblings and my baby brother slept in my room from 3 months old. I know how to be around a baby.
ReplyDeleteIt's really crappy that all of us have been in a situation where someone has said something that is so insensitive and hurtful. The nice thing about whining about it on here is that I know that others can relate. I'm the oldest and actually have a fair amount of experience with babies/children and I just can't believe that she implied that I didn't know what I was doing. Grrr.
DeleteI had been thinking about you.......here's to survival! These "events" often take me days to process too. I've forgotten what it feels like to go to a social gathering (of any kind, never mind something of this magnitude), not plan ahead to figure out what will likely be a chess match from hell, and not have any residual feelings of heaviness that follow in the days ahead. Even when these things go as well as expected, we still take a beating of sorts. Wishing you a replenishing April and May - you say you have to do this again in June?
ReplyDeleteIt is a big chess match from hell! And no matter how well I think I prepare myself there is almost always something that catches me off guard. I do get to do it all over again in June. I'm the oldest of four and have three sisters. My youngest sister is pregnant and due in June. On my birthday. I hope this baby will be like her other two kids and come a few days early. I don't want to share my birthday, damn it. So we'll have to do the obligatory visit sometime in June or July. I know it won't be the weekend of July 4th because we already have fun plans for that weekend!
DeleteGlad you survived! Is Grandma normally this nasty/thoughtless? If so, consider the source... if not, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. You've now had some practice before you have to endure another round in June. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteShe's not usually quite this nasty but she's never been what I would classify as nice, warm, and fuzzy either. Plus she's getting old so has a tendency to say whatever is on her mind. I do hope the practice will help me to better prepare myself for the visit in June!
DeleteOh, don't tell me about grandmas! Just had to survive a family weekend a few weeks ago and as there was no baby around, i thought "maybe this time no baby talks yeeahh" - well, i was so wrong! It started with the simple question how long we are married now. What 5,5 years already? I thought maybe 3, not more. So after a little talk about how time flies, there it was: "well, when you're married for that long time, shouldn't there be one or two little ones running around here? Like everywhere else?" Booom. Unfortunately, no dog here to take for a walk.
ReplyDeleteI think you did very well. Be proud that you survived! I found your blog just today, but I'm sure I'll be back!
Welcome!
DeleteI am glad that you survived your family weekend too. I hate that my experience is all too common! People are just so rude and inconsiderate.