Sunday, March 29, 2015

Hair salon conversations

I got my hair cut yesterday.  I've been growing it out for the better part of a year because hubs begged me to do it (what is it with men and long hair?).  Well on Friday I'd had enough of it and made the executive decision that I was getting it cut off on Saturday.  We've lived in this city for nearly three years and I've yet to find a hairdresser that I like enough to go back to, plus I'm cheap and tend to be impulsive with my hair (translation: I don't usually schedule appointments in advance), so that makes finding a hair dresser hard, so I usually end up in one of the places that takes walk in appointments.  That's where I end up yesterday.

I'm a simple girl and usually keep my hair somewhere between chin length and shoulder length with a few layers and shaped around my face.  It's quick to fix with a brush and blow dryer but still goes into a pony tail for working out.  It's a quick, easy cut and pretty much any hairdresser can do a reasonable job at it.  I got about five inches cut off, to just above the shoulder.

I think that one of the things that they teach in beauty school is to make conversation with your clients.  So she did.  I'll give you one guess what the first question out of her mouth was.  "Do you have kids."  I quickly replied with a polite but short "nope." and hoped that line of questioning wouldn't continue.  Had it ended there I wouldn't have really minded.  I mean, the question was uncomfortable, but she was just trying to make conversation with a person she's never met and I am a woman of child bearing age.  But she followed up with "has your family been pressuring you and your husband to have kids?"  I decided to end the conversation once and for all by saying "our families do not dictate what happens in our bedroom."  And the conversation moved on to a different topic.  I could have told her that we can't have kids.  I could have told her that we tried really hard for a long time to have kids and it didn't work.  I could have given her a short lecture on human reproduction.  I could have said something, anything about infertility.  But I didn't.  Why?  Because I don't want anyone's pity.  Yes, infertility sucks.  No, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  But I also shouldn't feel the need to explain my entire reproductive history to a complete stranger in a hair salon.

I don't know why I responded the way I did.  Maybe her follow-up question took me a bit by surprise?  I was expecting "why?" and not something about what our families think.  If I'm completely truthful I wasn't feeling particularly strong yesterday and I just didn't want to think of or  talk about infertility.  I just wanted to be a normal woman enjoying an hour in the salon without being reminded of what I don't have.

I really like what she did with my hair, with the exception of that extremely awkward 60 seconds of conversation.  So maybe I'll go back to her again in a few weeks.  I've been wanting to try out highlights.  We'll see.

*****

I've kicked my workouts up a notch recently.  I decided that having babies was completely out of my control but having flat abs is not.  So I'm working hard and already seeing results.  Is this vain?  Maybe.  Probably.  Will I ever have a six pack?  Unlikely.  Lets be honest, I like to drink wine and eat good food too much for that.  But it's fun to have a goal to work towards.  And it's fun to look in the mirror and like what I see.

*****

Indiana's "Religious Freedom Restoration Act" (that I mentioned in my last postwas signed by the governor.  A very sad day indeed.

8 comments:

  1. I am practising new question for ackward questions. It is: "Why would you like to know that?"
    So far it worked perfectly few times.

    I would love to have flat abs! I am a bit lazy. But I did went to the first cycling tour with DH this year, it was nice. So far I have cycled already over 100 kilometers in 2 weeks. Quite a lot for the start of the cycling season.

    wishing you a lovely day.

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    1. That is a great response! Maybe I'll try that one out the next time I'm asked.

      I wish I had a place to go cycling! At this point I'd just settle for being warm enough to not wear a coat. :)

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  2. Maybe she was asking because she is in a similar situation. Once I became more open about our infertility, I have been shocked at how many people I know that are also struggling. And in return, they have also thought they were alone.

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    1. She may have had infertility issues at one time, but she did talk about her two adult children and two grandchildren. Sometimes I really am ok sharing with a stranger but that day I wasn't.

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  3. I'm really glad you felt that you didn't "need to explain your entire reproductive history to a complete stranger in a hair salon." We should feel free to share and educate OR NOT as we please. For me, it really varies - sometimes I'm perfectly fine about educating others, sometimes I just want to be quiet!

    Yes, she may have been in a similar situation, but I suspect if she had been, she'd have said something like "I know! I wish I could tell my family/friends that!"

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    1. It is funny how it varies by the day. Sometimes I'm perfectly ok with sharing and other times I just don't want to. But I also feel like sharing should be on my terms and not because I feel like somebody forced me into a corner by asking a leading question.

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    2. My most random set of replies ever:

      After our last treatment failed, I started growing my hair out. I figured women who have babies usually chop theirs, so....

      I'm not in agreement with the do you have kids question because I feel people should know that if someone has kids, they will likely bring them up, and heaven forbid we wait for a conversation to unfold or anything. I do think her question about pressure, though entirely and understandably unwelcome, was at least more creative than the usual "Why?" follow up. And that the subject actually changed was rather miraculous, given that some will not let it go even under the threat of death.

      Are you really from Indiana?? I live under a rock so I may have missed that. My Mom grew up in South Bend. And I imitate her accent perfectly.

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    3. Ha! My hair is one thing that I always felt like I could control so I changed it frequently while battling infertility (mainly color).

      I guess I can give her points for creativity. I think it's a question that should never be asked, but I can usually handle it if it's just a quick thing. "So tell me about yourself" would have been a much better option. I was also surprised that the conversation changed so quickly, but was really glad.

      I am not from Indiana, but we lived there for five years while I was in grad school. Hopefully not long enough to pick up an accent!

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