Tuesday, July 11, 2017

And another

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that I have three sisters.  And starting three months after we found out we'd never have children of our own, each of them got pregnant.  When it was all said and done, I endured right around 20 consecutive months of at least one sister being pregnant and welcomed two nieces and a nephew in just over a year.  If you think that sounds like some special variety of hell, trust me when I say that it was.  If you're not familiar with the narrative, click here, here, here, here, here, here, and quite a few posts in between.

Which brings me to why I'm bringing this up.

One of my sisters is pregnant.  Again.

Am I surprised?  Not completely.  I just didn't anticipate it would happen this soon.  They had trouble conceiving their first  so I (incorrectly and naively) assumed that the second would take a long time too.  I thought I'd have more time before dealing with this again.

How am I taking the news?  That's more complicated.  Compared to how I took the news a couple of years ago, better.  Though "better" is relative.

I am being reacquainted with feelings I don't wish to be reacquainted with.  I am feeling sorry for myself.  And I'm angry with god or the universe or whatever.  Because none of this is fair.

Just when I thought I was in a place where I was doing really well, this happens.  Fan-fucking-tastic.

If there's a silver lining in the situation, it's that there is no chance of having more than one sister pregnant this time.  The other two have their tubes tied.  Yay for small victories.


20 comments:

  1. It sucks so much to go through this, especially when - as you said - you were doing much better. Even when we've been through these things before, we don't get a free pass, we still have to deal with our feelings. I just suspect you'll be back to your new normal a little sooner than previously. But when it hurts, that can be cold comfort, I know. Sending hugs.

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    1. I'm not back to normal (yet) but I am handling this extremely well, all things considered. It's still going to be a rough few months and a rocky holiday season though. But this time I'm better equipped.

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  2. no, it's definitely not fair! I'm sorry you are finding this new unexpected announcement difficult. I hope your sister will be sensitive to your feelings over the next months.

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    1. I honestly don't think this sister has a sensitive bone in her body. Anything that did exist went away with her first child. :(

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  3. "I am being reacquainted with feelings I don't wish to be reacquainted with." Well said! And no, it's not fair. Also sending (((hugs))). <3

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    1. Thanks, Loribeth. Gosh I hate the not so fun feelings.

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  4. This. Just. Sucks. No way around it. The fact you are going through this again is also insanely unfair. Yes, we can't control other's ability/choice to reproduce, but it doesn't make it any easier. Here if you need me. You're rocking the self-care. Keep it up.

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  5. I know you will love your new niece / nephew with all your heart, just the way you love the others. But - it completely sucks that you have to go through sister's pregnancy again.
    warm hug!

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    1. Yep, the pregnancies are always harder than the actual babies.

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  6. Sigh. It feels so backsliding especially when we have an idea in our heads of what is going going to happen, as well as how and when. A few years back I had taken it upon myself to tell myself that my husband's business partner and his wife were done having children (I'm a genius). They had fertility issues before having their first child, who was born when she was forty. Oh but alas, a year and a half later during hurricane Sandy when we had no power and I was just coming to terms with the fact the laparoscopy I had a few months prior was not going to help our plight any....well guess what? They are not family members, so detaching was obviously easier, not as entangled of a situation as the one you mention. But thinking things are going one way or that we have a general idea of what the timing will be and then they go another.....grrrrrrrrrr.

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    1. If only the world worked according to our plans. That would be nice!

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  7. Oh that's tough. I hope you're not judging yourself for whatever feelings you're feeling. You ARE doing so well!!! <3

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  8. Awww, that's hard, BnB! Please know that it's okay to be angry. Here comes a Swiss hug, too...

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    1. Thanks! I'll take all the hugs I can get!

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  9. That's very tough, it certainly sucks. I was in my mid-20s when my sister was pregnant with my only niece and at the time I didn't want kids. Fast forward a decade and the drama of her pregnancy would have been an absolute nightmare. I can relate to this. Thank god your others have had their tubes tied.

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    1. Amen! The other having their tubes tied is a good thing for so many reasons other than my mental health too. :)

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  10. Oh lady, I am so, so so sorry. That just plain sucks. I don't understand why the hits just keep coming -- you think you have your head above water and then BAM! A giant wave knocks you down. I'm glad that there's just this one though, no chance of multiple pregnancies or a consecutive period (that sounds AWFUL). I feel a bit lucky that Bryce has no siblings and my sister had her tubes tied and has stepsons that were already 11 and 16 when she came into the picture... so no babies, no pregnancies, none of that. Just incredibly fertile friends. :) Thinking of you and hoping that you can do good things for yourself during this time and limit the pregnancy talk.

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    1. Just read through all your linked posts...oh man, my heart hurts so much for the you who endured all that, and for the echoes that come up with this pregnancy. So unfair. So awful to have such contrast. Absolutely put your emotional needs first. I hope you can find treats for yourself for hard days. It sounds silly, but a new nail polish, a pair of earrings, a massage, a new book, a movie rented on demand...doesn't have to be expensive but a nice pick-me-up can really help. At least in the short run. So many hugs to you.

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