She was born via emergency c-section around noon yesterday. She is perfect. My sister is doing great. My nephew is enamored by his baby sister. My brother-in-law is still an asshole.
Me? Yesterday was tough. Really tough. I knew it would hit me hard but I was woefully unprepared for the intensity of the emotions. Today is a little bit better. Tomorrow will be better than today.
We're not going to drive over and meet the baby this weekend. We aren't to a point where we can put a smile on our faces and pretend like everything is ok. Maybe next weekend or the weekend after. It's ok for us to put our emotional health and wellbeing first.
exactly, you have to put your emotional health & wellbeing first.
ReplyDeleteSending huge hugs across the Atlantic!
Klara
PS: as you see I didn't congratulate you for new niece. Since it really made me angry and hurt when somebody congratulate for a new niece. I always thought: Hey, what did I have with a birth with that child?
So true! Nothing to congratulate me for!
DeleteThank you again for the hugs. They mean the world to me!
I'm sorry - I had to laugh a little at your comment, amongst all the emotional turmoil, that your "brother-in-law is still an asshole."
ReplyDeleteCan I suggest that you don't have to pretend everything is okay? That it is okay to see the baby, and to let the emotions and tears flow. And can I suggest that when you do feel strong enough to meet the baby, that you ask your sister to arrange a time when others aren't there. So that if you need to cry, then you can, without fear of judgement from others. It seems to me that it wouldn't be helpful, for example, to be there at the same time as your mother is there.
Sending more hugs - this time from the bottom of the world, and across the Pacific. Now you know you have half the world hugging you.
Re: "Brother-in-law is still an asshole" was my way of dealing with a difficult situation with humor and sarcasm. He posted a bunch of pictures of the new baby on Facebook and felt it necessary to tag hubs and me in them (we promptly denied the tag and hid the photos from our timelines), because apparently this is ok to do in his world. This is just one of many examples of his assholeness.
DeleteYou bring up an interesting point. I've always been the strong one in the family. Things were rough when we were kids and my sisters could always rely on me to take care of them (our mom wasn't a shining example of parental responsibility and our dad worked all the time). Despite being quite a few years removed from this I guess I still feel responsible for them and like I need to be strong for them.
I've been pondering your question all day. Putting a smile on my face and pretending like everything is ok is a self-imposed standard that is unfair to hold myself to. It's my own hangup about not wanting to be perceived as weak. I've always been the strong one and I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it being any other way, if that makes sense. I don't suppose that it would hurt anything if I did shed a tear. It's sad that it's like preparing for battle when really I'm just preparing to go visit an infant.
The hugs are very much appreciated. I like visualizing hugs coming to me from all over the world. Maybe you could send some summer weather too?
It is definitely OK to put yourself first. I agree with Mali. Try to arrange to see your new niece privately, so that you don't feel like all eyes are upon you. That was always the hardest thing for me, early on -- seeing a new baby was hard enough, but I positively HATED feeling like everyone was watching me & feeling pity. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThis is just it! I don't want anyone's pity and I don't want anyone's eyes on me! You and Mali both gave an excellent suggestion about making sure there are as few people there as possible. Part of me wants to hold her really bad and the rest of me wants to avoid the whole situation indefinitely.
DeleteI'm not a stalker - just catching up on my blog reading is all........
ReplyDeleteThis sounds hard. Glad you feel it's ok to put yourself first - and, really, how else can we survive? It's hard enough to feel all of the intense emotions that come with other people's babies, even if it is your own flesh and blood, never mind the vulnerability of feeling them in the presence of people who may judge. Hope your first meeting is virtually human free.