Monday, February 20, 2017



My nephew's first birthday was on Valentine's Day.  His birthday party was over the weekend.

I didn't go to the party.  But I did see pictures.  He was adorable.  The party looked like fun.

I didn't think it was going to bother me.  But it did.  And it still is.

In many ways it gets easier as time passes.  But in many ways the kids around me that I love are a reminder of what might have been.  Tonight it's the latter.


  1. That's hard. I don't really have any young children in my life any more, now that my one niece is almost grown up, so I am largely protected from this. I tend to ignore my longest friends' small kids as I'm abroad. But I think I'd feel the same in your shoes; it's very different when it's in your face.

  2. Many, many hugs lady. I'm so sorry.

  3. I know...
    Sending you big hugs across the Atlantic.

  4. I'm so sorry. Sometimes, I think the pictures can be worse than actually going, because they only showcase the good parts (and you see your absence), and you can go back to them over and over (if you're obsessive like me and a glutton for punishment). I'm sorry you're hurting and sending you hugs. That's a hard one.

  5. Hey, it looks like we both skipped a 1st birthday party this past weekend! Although I empathize with you because mine was for a longtime friend's kid, not a nephew. Many, many hugs to you. I understand the different ways these events can make us feel. Is it helpful to think that actually going to the party wouldn't have been any better? If that's not a helpful thought, just ignore it. And I agree with Jess above: sometimes seeing the pictures can be worse. I mean, you can't hear the crying and whining of all the babies and kids through the pictures. Not that I'm a kid hater- I'm completely the opposite. It's just that sometimes it's easier for me to think of all the good parts of having kids and forget about all of the challenges. Anyway, I'm kind of rambling... Thinking of you! You are amazing!!! <3

    1. It's true that, setting aside the grief, kids' parties--for all ages--are built on a basis of child misery and adult boredom. Not that they're bad, and not that they're not nice to go to, but it's crazy to assume that most kids' parties are in any way more than mildly enjoyable for adults.
      And hugs for being in that situation.

  6. I like Jess & Phoenix's comment about how photos only showcase the good parts (no doubt there was a tantrum or two that you didn't get to see, lol). But it still sucks to feel like you're missing out. Sending (((hugs))).

  7. I feel you woman, I feel you. Hugs and love

  8. Sending hugs. I know how tough this can be.

  9. I know it's silly, but I just want to come here to the comments to pretend to be your sister. "It's okay if you can't make it to the party. I love you, and [Nephew] loves you, and I'm so happy that you're in his life. Whether you do or don't come, I hope we can get together soon, and maybe you'd like to come over a nice birthday dinner for [Nephew] in a few days instead. There are lots of parties to come, and he'll remember you being at those, so don't worry about this one."