Friday, February 3, 2017


I have so many things I want to write about, but right now I'm lacking in both cognitive capacity to put words on paper in a cohesive and coherent manner as well as the time to do so.

Lately, most of my writing time and energy has been devoted to writing or calling my elected officials to voice my concerns about, well, pretty much everything the president has done, is trying to do, or has plans to do.  I doubt it matters much, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something.

The reaction to my last post has been overwhelming.  While definitely not my most commented on post, in 2.5 years of blogging, it is the most viewed post that I've published.  I interpret that to mean that it struck a chord or at least made people think.  And I really hope that I didn't piss anybody off. Privilege is a hard thing to think about, acknowledge, and write about, and I'm thankful to have this space to do it (even if it isn't remotely related to my usual topics).

I'm also still in the midst of the wonky cycle that I mentioned earlier in January.  So, just in general, I'm still feeling pretty crappy, and am really close to surpassing my longest cycle record.  I'm still hitting it pretty hard at the gym, I'm down a few pounds, and I'm starting to see the physical changes in my appearance, which is both positive and motivating.

My nephew's first birthday and birthday party are rapidly approaching.  Much like her baby shower, my sister wants me to put my feelings aside and attend.  I've already thanked her for the invitation and declined, but she's having a hard time accepting my decision as final.  I got a bit blunt with her yesterday after she tried the guilt trip route, so hopefully that will put an end to it.  Even putting all of the difficult feelings about babies and birthday parties aside, it's not practical to go, because I have two nieces and two nephews who all have birthdays that fall in a span of 4 weeks.  It's not fair to just go to one or two parties and it's not possible to go to all four.

Finally, my grandpa passed away in his sleep on Wednesday morning.  I'm thankful that I got to make two trips to see him in January, and mostly I'm thankful that he's no longer suffering.  It's hard to watch someone slowly die, but at least he is at peace now.  It's a weird feeling to know that he's no longer here.  Thankfully the family seems to be mostly well behaved and is rallying around my grandma, so that's good.

I guess there's not much else that I can really say.  Despite everything I mentioned above, I'm actually doing pretty well.  Thanks for still reading along even though I haven't been doing a very good job at writing or commenting on your blogs lately.


  1. There's a lot going on in the world right now. And even more going on on your end. I am sorry for your loss. I know you had a strained relationship with your grandparents, but loss is always hard. I'm proud of you for not giving into your sister's guilt trip. Advocating for yourself is so important. And yuck about this cycle. That just sucks.

    1. Thanks C! These last few weeks would have been harder without you in my corner!

  2. I know for me, I wanted to respond to your last post, but there was nothing more to say, you explained privilege very well. Times are almost too crazy to think about. Also Pat Toomey sucks lets get him out next time.

    I am sorry to hear about your grandfather.

    I'm also sorry your sister is giving you crap. I too had to decline my best friends baby's first birthday party, I was going to try to pony up and go but we had a choice of something else to do and I decided to put myself first. We will be going to my sisters the next day for the st. patrick's day parade, so I told my friend I would see here there or afterwards if she wasn't going .

    I want to ask you about this phenomenon of people who want us to go places we aren't happy. Whenever "we" (you, myself and a good majority of people that post on your blog, and in other childless and childfree groups I follow) talk about these types of events, we always say we are sending a nice gift. So you go shopping online, or you write a check and stick it in a card etc. right? Do WE bring so much joy to these people's lives that they must have us physically in a place that makes us unhappy and uncomfortable? Is this about the appearance of having alot of family and friends? Schadenfreude? What is the deal? I suppose we would have to ask the perpetrators of the forceful invites, but would they be honest? I have alot of questions about this, not just in terms of baby stuff, but plenty of other events that seems like hell (anything that forces me to leave my house in winter, anything dry but with family etc.) I mean really, what gives?

    1. Don't even get me on my Pat Toomey soapbox..... Ugh. That man.

      I love that you took care of yourself first. Sometimes it's hard to get to that point, but it really is best.

      Honestly, I think it comes down to ego and wanting to be the center of attention. I guess I feel like my presence (or absence) at a birthday party will be long forgotten within a week, but the flip side of the coin, if I attended that birthday party, it would take me months to recover from the damage. Maybe it won't always be this way, but right now it is.

  3. I'm always happy to read a post from you and you have no obligation to write. Just know that when you do, I'll be reading. :)

    These last couple of weeks have been so, so hard. Self care is even more important than it's previously been.

    I'm sorry that your family sounds like my family, and it's mind boggling how they don't even seem to try to get it.

    Thinking of you, especially with everything that is going on in your world and the world at large. <3

    1. Self-care is so important, a lesson that I usually learn when I slack in my self-care. :)

      Sometimes I think they get it a little and other times I don't think they have a f-ing clue. And I can never predict which response it will be.

      Unrelated, almost every time I try to comment on your blog, I get email bounceback messages. Weird.

  4. Dear BnB, I am so sorry for your loss and also that you are still having such a horrible cycle. I hope the latter will be over soon!

    I am glad that you stood firm regarding the birthday party (although I regret your having to do so in the first place)! And also that you have kept going to the gym. Well done!

  5. I'm really sorry about your grandfather, but glad he's no longer suffering, and that you know and understand that. I'm glad too that you got to spend time with him, and let him know he was loved. Hugs.

    The first birthday party is never about the child, it's always about the parents. So don't feel guilty about not going. Your nephew will never know, or care!

    1. It is a weird space of being both sad and relieved at the same time.

      More than their birthday parties, I love the tradition that my husband and I have created with all of the nieces and nephews. Since it's impractical to go to all of the parties, we usually pick a weekend not close to any birthday, go for a visit, give them their gifts, and have cake and ice cream at that time. We still get a chance to celebrate them, it's just not at their actual parties. They seem to like this little tradition too. :)

  6. Sometimes the posts & comments just pour out of me; other times, not so much. No worries! I am sorry about your grandfather, but glad you are taking care of yourself re: the birthday party. As Mali said above, your nephew will never know or care, and it sounds like you have created a nice alternative celebration that he and your other nieces & nephews will treasure in the years to come. :)

  7. I'm so sorry about your grandfather xoxo

    I do think your last post struck a chord in many women! And while I keep seeing young Republican women turn their noses up at the marches, I saw this yesterday and it is the perfect rebuttal: