With as much as I don't want to admit it, I've been struggling a bit. As it turns out, my grandpa's death combined with the birthdays of three nieces and a nephew in a 3.5 week period is a lot to handle. Or at least it was for me this year. The anniversary of finding out we'd never have children (March 7th) stung a lot too. Oh, and I had a random crying episode in a store today for the first time in a long time.
I try really hard to keep my shit together. Or at least to appear like I have my shit together. But right now I'm struggling. I had been doing so well. Right now I feel like I'm right back to where I was a year ago.
This is grief. It's not pretty. It's not always logical. It always sucks. But I always get through it.
😞 Sending love
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things have been hard lately. That was a lot happening at once. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm dealing with the same stuff. My gramma died on the 27th. I was already kind of avoiding 2 baby birthday parties. It's a lot of stuff at once. And you know this winter weather is not helping. It's easier feeling fulfilled and happy and be distracted when you can get out and be active. Sending lots of positive vibes your way.
ReplyDeleteYou will get through it. Remember that! It's not unusual to find anniversaries stressful, let alone all the other events that have come your way recently, let alone grieving your grandfather. For years I found October, November and December (anniversaries of finding out we would never have children, and my ectopics) a difficult time. It's normal. It's horrible. But we're here with you. Sending love.
ReplyDeletesending lots of love and a big hug across the Atlantic.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when I am struggling, I like to let it all just fall apart. Absolve myself from the responsibility of keeping it together. I won't let myself dig a deep hole I can't get out of, but I do let myself just take a day or two to cry and be unproductive. You are right about grief: it's not pretty, it's not logical, it always sucks, and you will get through it.
ReplyDeleteYou've had a very tough month. Be as kind to yourself as possible. Please know that you are not alone and we are always here for you. Thank you for your honest post. <3
I am so sorry, BnB. Some days (and weeks) are hard.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and sunshine over from Europe!
Sending you love and encouragement. You are wise to know that grief has no expiration date. It would be so much nicer if it was a linear process with a beginning and an end, but it feels more like something with a zillion arms, a zillion offshoots that can send you off into the pit at times when you thought you should be done. All of those anniversaries/birthdays sound like they would be hard, especially so close together. Thinking of you and hoping for sunnier days ahead.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Sending out some love and prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. :( I find that I can take one or maybe two things at a time -- but when everything piles up at once like that, one thing after another after another without pause, it's hard to cope. We're here for you as slog your way through. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThis is A LOT. It's grueling when that which is "normal" for the mainstream (read: kid birthday parties) is excruciating for you/us. Sitting in it and being messy is you doing a loving job of honoring yourself - well done. XXOO
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