Saturday started off well enough. We slept in a little bit, ate breakfast, and then I headed upstairs to take a shower. When I came back downstairs hubs and I had the following conversation:
Hubs: "I told (family friend and his wife) that we would come to their* baby shower"
Me: (sits down on steps) "What?"
Hubs: "Yeah! It's on (whatever date-I wasn't listening). It's going to be at (whatever place-also not listening)."
Me: "You RSVP'd?"
Hubs: (sensing this is going downhill fast) "Yeah...."
Me: "Without asking me first? To a baby shower? I'm not going to a baby shower. I'm not going to a baby shower ever again!**"
Hubs: "But I RSVP'd..."
Me: "I don't care...I'm not going" (I'm crying and yelling at this point)
Hubs: "It's just one day...."
Me: "I'm not going. Period. Not open for discussion. You can go if you want but I'm not."
Hubs: (a little angry at this point) "What am I going to tell them?"
Me: "I don't really care. Tell them the truth for all I care. Maybe you should have thought about that before you told someone that we would go to an event without asking me first."
Now hubs almost never commits to something without running it by me first. So this is what I will file in the "momentary attack of stupid" category and try to forget about it. It did result in a good conversation about my feelings surrounding baby showers. I've told him many times that I won't do this or that but I haven't really told him why or how it makes me feel. So he unintentionally did something pretty hurtful, but the end result was growth.
I won't lie, Hubs and I don't have these conversations often. He's the sort of guy that wants to fix things***. But this can't be fixed, and definitely not fixed quickly. This quality makes him somewhat hard to talk to about my feelings. This is just something that I have to go through. And it will get better. Eventually. I've said more than once that I don't think he'll ever truly get the emotional toll infertility has taken on me, but conversations like this help.
Then he told me that his dad and brother were coming on Sunday to spend the night. Apparently he found out two weeks ago but forgot to tell me. Ugh.
Oh and my mom told me that I was overreacting to the whole baby shower thing. Just when she starts to earn back a little bit of my trust and I think she might be trying to understand a little bit, she goes and ruins it. Back to arm's length she goes....
*Since when did baby showers become a couples thing?
**This should have been known. Six months ago I made the same exact statement concerning my sister's baby shower.
***I totally get that it's his instinct to protect me and try to make the hurt go away.