Thursday, May 11, 2017

Healing Place

There were many reasons that we chose to buy a house.  Interest rates were at historic lows.  Rent kept rising (and finding a new rental with a large dog was next to impossible).  We scrimped and saved enough to have a decent down payment.  For the first time in a long time we knew that the city we were living in wasn't just a temporary stop, that we'd be here for a while.  Buying was the next logical step.

And honestly, after infertility, after officially closing the door on parenthood, I needed something big, something positive, something special.  A fresh start of sorts.

So we looked (and looked and looked and looked) and eventually we found the house that would become ours.  It felt like home the minute we walked in to the open house.  The vintage 1950s glass door knobs sealed the deal.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of buying our house.

One of my hopes was that our house would be a place of healing, and it has been.  I feel comfortable here.  Happy.  At ease.  Safe.  Stable.  For the first time in a long time.

There will be no negative pregnancy tests here.  Or ovulation tracking. Or sex when we don't feel like it.  Or month after month of disappointment. Or conversations about how far we want to go down the fertility treatment path.  And no envisioning any of the rooms as a future baby's room.

I'm also proud.  We've done all of the work so far ourselves.  With our own blood, sweat, and tears (literally and figuratively).

We still love our bold, funky paint colors.  The hardwood floors that we refinished ourselves have held up remarkably well.  I planted a garden and managed not to kill the plants.  We're chipping away at the landscaping which was minimally maintained for probably close to 10 years, but suffice to say that it looks a heck of a lot better compared to when we bought the place.

Our projects for this summer are more landscaping, to paint the exterior of the house and garage as well as gut the bathroom.  I hope we're not getting in over our heads....

I feel like I'm failing miserably at saying what I want to say.  Our house is the healing place I'd hoped for, and so much more.


  1. Not failing miserably. This is beautiful. May the landscaping continue to go well (and you realize over time that you do have a green thumb) and the other projects lead to a satisfying outcome. And with it all, may the healing continue.

    Happy anniversary to owning your home.

  2. Happy Home-aversary! I'm glad your new home is helping you to heal. I hear you on getting in over your head, especially with the landscaping.

  3. This is wonderful! I'm so happy you've found your home and healing place and continue to make it truly your own. Congratulations on your one year anniversary!

    Your words speak to me since we are actually considering to move into a beautiful flat in an old villa... feeling a bit overwhelmed because we hadn't exactly been looking to move. A friend is moving out and asked whether we wanted her flat! It's the flat of my dreams. It even has a garden and I always wanted to have a garden.

    My thoughts do go in a similar direction: Wouldn't it be lovely to make a fresh start in a place that will see no pregnancy tests or hormone shots? A place that is right for the two of us now that our plans don't include children anymore? A place without a room that screams: I was going to be the nursery?

    Once again, it is so wonderful to read from others who are in similar situations. Thanks for sharing, BnB!

    Sunny greetings from Switzerland!

  4. I'm glad you have that sanctuary that is fresh and separate from the slog through heartache, and, yeah, it feels good to invest in something and watch it grow, dependably, as with a home.

  5. It makes me happy to read this post. My husband and I moved last year too and I can really relate to so much of what you wrote. I'm so glad to hear you feel so good in your new home. I look forward to reading about your future projects! :)

  6. Happy anniversary of your home! Wow, you refinished the floors yourselves? IMPRESSIVE. I am glad the house is your healing place, a new beginning, a stable touchstone. That is awesome. I don't think you failed at all at saying something meaningful and beautiful about your home, the work you've put into it, and the fresh start it represents.

  7. Has it been a year already? So glad it turned out to be everything, or perhaps more, than what you hoped for. Unlike some other things......You guys deserve this "healing place"

    Speaking from the other side of things, it is manageable but also very hard to be in the home we bought to raise our children in and where we subsequently ended up going through our fertility struggles. We know we will leave one day but also are trying to reconcile that we cannot leave anytime soon (for at least 5 years), and that is hard. I enjoy what I can here, but it weighs on me, and I know breaking free one day will be an extraordinarily healthy thing.

  8. So glad your home has been the haven you hoped it would be! Happy anniversary! :)