Just over a year ago I got an IUD. It wasn't an easy decision, and there were a few points where I wondered if I made the right decision to get it, but one year later I'm glad that I did. As I wrote about a year ago my reason for getting it was twofold. First, I was having scary heavy/bad periods, and second, I knew that having a small sliver of hope of getting pregnant was roadblock on my path to healing. I thought I'd write this post to give a little update on the IUD since I feel like having it for one year is long enough to provide a fair review.
My periods are still pretty regular. They are significantly lighter and I no longer pass large clots. They don't scare me anymore and I've finally gained the confidence to not sit on towels and I no longer carry a change of clothes with me wherever I go when on my period. I also don't feel like I'm quite as prone to mood swings. It's not all rainbows and unicorns though. My periods are still 10-12 days long, just like they were before the IUD. There's not a ton of improvement in my cramps and I still have a lot of random spotting. One particularly unpleasant thing is that I almost always cramp after sex, and this never happened before I got it. It's not bad. I'm not doubled over or anything, it's just really annoying.
I'm not going to lie, I really hoped that my periods would go away altogether, but apparently I'm going to be one of a small percentage of women who still has a period with the IUD. Lucky me. I'd also hoped that my hot flashes would improve. No such luck there either.
On a more positive front, with the sliver of hope of getting pregnant eliminated, I really, truly began to heal. I knew a year before I got the IUD that we'd never have children, but I the mind is a tricky thing and you can't suddenly go from being aware from every single thing that your body does to not paying attention to any of it. The IUD allowed me to put that possibility completely out of my mind, and every single area of my life has improved since. My relationship with hubs has improved because timing isn't in the back of my mind. I'm starting to regain my confidence, so much of which I lost during infertility. I'm starting to think of the future in the context of what we have as opposed to what we'll never have. Dare I say, I'm even happy most of the time. I'm not the person that I was a year ago when I got the IUD, and that's a really good thing!
I don't love it. I don't hate it. The good parts make the not so good parts bearable. Getting it wasn't the an easy decision, but one year later I can honestly say it was the best decision for me, and I'm glad that I did it.
" ... every single area of my life has improved since." That's fabulous.
ReplyDeleteI also like your comment about the mind being a tricky thing. You're right - it takes time for your mind to catch up with reality, even when you've consciously made a decision. The great thing is that our minds do catch up with our realities, if we let them.
Agreed! Healing hasn't been easy, but it has been worthwhile, and it will serve me throughout my life. That being said there's still a lot of healing left to do.
Delete"I'm even happy most of the time...."
ReplyDeleteI am very happy to read this sentence! I am happy for you.
wishing you all the best for the future.
Thanks! Your friendship has played a large role in my healing too!
DeleteI am glad it's worked out for you! :) -- mind AND bodywise!
ReplyDeleteMe too! It was something that you wrote (I can't remember whether it was a comment on my blog or a post on yours) that helped me make the decision to go for it.
DeleteI've been contemplating some form of birth control for over a year now. On the one hand, I do not feel as if we are "trying" to get pregnant anymore after 6+ years and I've accepted the fact that the chances of me getting pregnant are one in a million. On the other hand, as you say, the mind is a tricky thing...and it's a hard thing to let go of. But I like what you said about the IUD allowing you to finally heal and rebuild your confidence, that's definitely something I'd love to pursue. Thanks for bringing up a topic that I need to give more thought to! :)
DeleteIt is such a personal decision, and a really hard one at that. I'm glad I could give you some food for thought. If you have any questions about the IUD, I'm happy to answer them (really, nothing embarrasses me).
DeleteI don't think people realize what a crippling thing false hope can be. It's something one can't just turn on and off either. That pesky little "what if??" can really do some damage and I'm so glad you've been able to take an action that eliminates it. Also glad you wrote about it - I don't think people talk about this aspect of transitioning from infertility to not having children enough. I was somewhat shocked and so grateful for the people who commented when I wrote about this; I expressed my often intense feelings of wanting my parts removed and IF survivors who had had hysterectomies generously commented that it saved them emotionally.
ReplyDeleteThat's the thing! That little shred of hope was so crippling for me. At first I thought that maybe it was crazy to get it. I mean, my ovaries are pretty well shot and do a good job preventing pregnancy on their own. In the end, I'm glad that I did because it's really helped me move on. If I were offered a hysterectomy I'd seriously consider taking that option too.
DeleteI'd love to write what you wrote on this topic. Your blog is one of the few that I read regularly that I haven't read all the way from present back to the beginning. :)
I used to have really heavy periods (even bled on someone's damn couch despite super tampon and liner) due to fibroids and when it was obvious I was never going to get pregnant (IVF included) I went with a uterine embolization procedure. Though my husband was still nervous I'd get pregnant unexpectedly, that never happened. I was also nervous about IUD, so it's good that you shared your experience with it.
ReplyDelete