Hubs and I are house hunting. We've saved and sacrificed for a long time to be able to do it. We're long time renters, mainly as a function of moving so much throughout the course of our relationship (we've lived five places in three states in nine years), but we're finally to the point where we're ready. If nothing else, I'm ready to paint walls a color of my own choosing. We're not in a hurry to buy. We want to find the right house and make a smart investment. We have a great landlord and are in a ideal renting situation because we've been her for so long that we're on a month to month contract. So it really doesn't matter if we find a house in six days or six months.
I was naive enough to believe that it would be like it is on TV. I thought we'd see three houses, pick one, move in, and everything would be smooth sailing. But it's been far from smooth sailing.
To start we're at a very competitive price point. Nice houses in places where we'd actually like to live go really fast. Like the listing goes live and the house is under contract in 48 hours fast. Also complicating things, our availability to go to showings is a bit limited since I teach one night a week and hubs has class two nights a week, though thankfully his last week of class is next week, so availability will improve soon.
After going to see about 10 houses, we found a house that we liked and after several days of tense negotiation we agreed on a price with the seller and were officially under contract. It wasn't our dream house (that will never be found at our price point), but it was a nice home. Cute. Plenty of space without being too much. A huge, flat yard (a novelty in western Pennsylvania, both the size and being flat). An amazing neighborhood. It checked off all of the boxes on our must have list. We booked the inspection and that's when it all began to fall apart. Long story short, the inspector found some pretty major issues, the seller wasn't willing to fix the issues, and we walked away. We made the smart decision. It sucked. But had we proceeded with the contract we would have gotten ourselves in over our heads. We're really glad that we had the inspection contingency in our contract.
I was woefully unprepared for the emotions that came with losing the house. Not the house itself, the logical, rational part of my brain knows that there are other houses and that eventually we'll find our house, but I was unprepared for how hard it hit me. It honestly felt like infertility all over again. Being put through the ringer only to be disappointed. Needing to make big decisions with a really fast turn around. Money. Stepping outside of my comfort zone. Pressure from all sides. Arguments with hubs. All of it felt so familiar, but not in a good way.
The day we officially terminated the contract, Sunday, I had a big ugly cry. In that moment I felt like such a failure. All I could see was everything that hasn't gone my way in the past few years. I lamented that if I couldn't have babies I should at least be able to buy a house easily. I was not nice to myself. I haven't had a breakdown like that in quite some time.
Even though I know that walking away was the best decision for us, it hurt. I guess that sometimes the head and the heart don't always communicate. I'm actually glad that we lost the house. Hindsight is 20/20. We learned a lot from the
experience and we know so much more than we did a couple of weeks ago. This will benefit us going forward.
I'm better now. We've seen a few more houses and we're going to see a few more over the weekend. Nothing has felt like home yet but we're confident that we'll find something. Eventually. Hubs and I don't do anything the easy way and nothing ever goes according to plans. Why would this be any different? Hell, our real estate agent left today to go to Italy for two weeks, so I'm sure we'll find a house while he's gone and have to bother him to write a contract while he's on vacation. Because that's how our life works.