One week ago today I found out that my sister was in labor. I also started my period that day, a whole five days earlier than I expected. It was also Valentine's Day weekend. We're not a cutesy romantic couple that make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, but we usually try to do something romantic around the day. My period threw a wrench in that . Then my sister going into labor threw a bigger wrench into any plans that we had.
We didn't go out, but instead stayed in. We ordered takeout. We binged on Netflix. It ended up being the perfect evening and it was exactly what I needed, considering the events of the day.
And my husband, after years of telling him that sometimes when I cry it's not exactly logical and I don't need him to solve my problems, I just need him to hold me and tell me he loves me and that everything is going to be ok, he did just that. I think this is what I needed more than anything else.
Honestly, I'm dealing pretty well with the birth of my nephew. This is not to say that I haven't had a big ugly cry (or three), but I seem to be bouncing back faster compared to the other two babies.
The last two years have been two of the most challenging that I've experienced. I found out that my ovaries crapped out a few decades ahead of schedule. I found out that all three of my sisters were pregnant, and endured my own sadness in the midst of their happiness as all three babies were born. I mean, 22 consecutive months of at least one sister being pregnant would be hard on anyone, infertility notwithstanding.
The past two years have also led to immense personal growth, and the last week has shown me how far I've come. I cried when I needed to, but mostly I just carried on with my life. I allowed myself to feel all of the feelings and not feel bad about it. This is what I think is different this time.
And it's odd.....I'm actually looking forward to meeting him.
I'm so thankful for all of you and for all of the kind words and love that you've shown me over the last week as well as in the 18 months or so since I started this blog. All of you are why I'm doing as well as I am.
Since I know that grief tends to ebb and flow and rouge waves hit out of nowhere every now and again, I reserve the right to crash later. But right now I feel good, so I'm going to enjoy it.