Saturday, February 20, 2016

One week later

One week ago today I found out that my sister was in labor.  I also started my period that day, a whole five days earlier than I expected.  It was also Valentine's Day weekend.  We're not a cutesy romantic couple that make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, but we usually try to do something romantic around the day.  My period threw a wrench in that .  Then my sister going into labor threw a bigger wrench into any plans that we had. 

We didn't go out, but instead stayed in.  We ordered takeout.  We binged on Netflix.  It ended up being the perfect evening and it was exactly what I needed, considering the events of the day.

And my husband, after years of telling him that sometimes when I cry it's not exactly logical and I don't need him to solve my problems, I just need him to hold me and tell me he loves me and that everything is going to be ok, he did just that.  I think this is what I needed more than anything else.

Honestly, I'm dealing pretty well with the birth of my nephew.  This is not to say that I haven't had a big ugly cry (or three), but I seem to be bouncing back faster compared to the other two babies. 

The last two years have been two of the most challenging that I've experienced.  I found out that my ovaries crapped out a few decades ahead of schedule.  I found out that all three of my sisters were pregnant, and endured my own sadness in the midst of their happiness as all three babies were born.  I mean, 22 consecutive months of at least one sister being pregnant would be hard on anyone, infertility notwithstanding.

 The past two years have also led to immense personal growth, and the last week has shown me how far I've come.  I cried when I needed to, but mostly I just carried on with my life.  I allowed myself to feel all of the feelings and not feel bad about it.  This is what I think is different this time.

And it's odd.....I'm actually looking forward to meeting him.

I'm so thankful for all of you and for all of the kind words and love that you've shown me over the last week as well as in the 18 months or so since I started this blog.  All of you are why I'm doing as well as I am. 

Since I know that grief tends to ebb and flow and rouge waves hit out of nowhere every now and again, I reserve the right to crash later.  But right now I feel good, so I'm going to enjoy it.


  1. I've been thinking about you a lot since your last post. It seemed like the perfect storm of events, even without AF rearing its ugly head. I'm glad you were able to do the self-care you needed to do and had a way to find peace during the storm.

    On that note, I wanted to comment about your excitement for meeting your nephew. I have a niece and two nephews that I dread meeting and a lot of it has to do with not feeling safe to do the self-care you're doing (2 of the 3 came while we were in the thick of infertility uncertainty). I admire that you're feeling excited. And it's a lesson and example for why protecting one's heart is so important because you will develop relationships with your nieces and nephews that are independent of their parents (and later it may be something their parents envy). Just keep practicing that self-care, regardless of the pressure from others.

    1. I'll admit that while I am looking forward to meeting him, I'm not quite ready to actually do it. This is where living a couple of hours away from family comes in handy. :)

      I didn't do as good with self-care for the first two, though admittedly the life situation of this particular sister is a bit more suited for a baby, so I think that's part of the reason that I'm not taking it as hard. Or maybe it's because I've had practice. Who knows.

      One of these days I'm going to check out your blog. Hopefully I'll have a bit of free time over Spring break!

  2. I am happy for you, that you are doing so well.
    wishing you a lovely Sunday.

  3. Talk about things coming in threes, but as we know, it is all too often out of our hands.
    Now that’s a winning trifecta – staying in, ordering takeout and binging on Netflix.

    So pleased to hear you’re managing the fallout thus far. We all know there’s highs and lows with these situations and so far you sound like you have struck a delicate balance.

    It’s G&T night here (as opposed to beer night or wine night) so I send my salutations that you are able to maintain the balance, but if it wobbles, then so be it, you’ll have your blog friends here ready to support you.

  4. I was diagnosed with poor ovarian reserve and very bad prognosis of having a baby with my own eggs. I was even given the option to consider donor eggs. That was around july 2014. I was absolutely devastated with the news and I arranged an IVF for November 2014 and it failed also, given that I had nothing to lose, I contacted Dr.Agbazara i meet online and he send me his herbal product,. Believe it or not... I am already pregnant within few after his help. contact him today with any kind of problem and be happy like me on ( )