Have you all seen the "memories" feature on Facebook? If not, it pulls memories from your timeline, usually pictures, and presents it to you as "on this day x years ago" and gives you the option to share the picture. For the most part I've found this feature to be pretty fun (and also made me realize how many pictures of my dog that I post on Facebook....). But yesterday it wasn't so fun. My pregnant sister shared a memory from her timeline that I was tagged in. The picture was taken in the summer of 2010 but for some reason she didn't add it to Facebook in November, and was of me, all three of my sisters, and our mom and dad. At first I thought it was a pretty neat picture and marveled at how young (and skinny!) I was. But my fascination was quickly quelled when my youngest sister, then 19, commented and said something along the lines of "Wow! I don't even remember taking this picture!" and my currently pregnant sister said "this was the day that you told us that you were pregnant with oldest niece."
And there it was.
Anger. Five years ago we were right at the beginning of our TTC journey and I was naive enough to think that I'd get pregnant easily.
Jealousy. Getting pregnant was easy for two of my three sisters. And the third seems to have forgotten the struggle now that she's pregnant.
Left behind. Only one sister had a child when the picture was taken, and he was an unplanned surprise. Now one sister has three, another sister has two, and the third sister is pregnant with her first.
Wistful. Their lives certainly aren't perfect, but I sometimes I can't help but long for what they have and I don't.
It's times like this when I realize that I have a lot of healing left to do.
You are so right. The Memories feature on fb reminds me that, unlike most of my friends, the "highlights according to fb" in years past do not involve pregnancy announcements, babies, baby showers, etc. Instead today fb showed me a picture of a Christmas wreath I made for my door.
ReplyDeleteMaybe worse than the memories feature telling me about things I did, I hate how it lets people brag about their memories when they share them publicly. Most days, someone or many people attached to me in fb land posts their "memories" with a caption like, "I can't believe they were so tiny!" "Having one was so peaceful" "First Christmas tree with the baby!"
Ugh. A punch in the face would be more pleasant. Then I just have that Christmas wreath to remind me that while all my friends were procreating, I was crafting.
PS-I love reading your blog! Thanks for making me feel normal. :) Hugs!
No problem! I'm glad I could help you feel normal and that you enjoy reading! :)
DeleteSomebody posted a meme today something along the lines of: All of my friends are having kids and I'm over here like "look at these 500 pictures of my dog." That's pretty much my life.
I know memories feature and yes, it can be so hurtful.
ReplyDeleteHealing is different for each of us. But what I am sure of is that it takes years of healing before one can claim before-happiness back.
Happiness is slowly creeping back into my life. :)
DeletePS: I loved unknown's comment, especially PS-I love reading your blog! Thanks for making me feel normal. :) Hugs!
ReplyDeleteSo far, I've enjoyed the "On this Day" feature... maybe it helps that I joined FB long after my ttc days. But I am sure there's an "ouch!" moment just waiting to ambush me one of these days...! :p
ReplyDeleteSo far I've enjoyed the memories too, at least my own. I won't say that I hated the picture that popped up, but it was definitely bittersweet and the emotions took me by surprise.
DeleteI hope you don't get ambushed! :)
You know, you're only just through your first year of healing. I think you're doing amazingly well, but yes, I'm sure you have a lot of healing left to do. It's that horrible cliché - it takes time. I completely understand why that post upset you, and how you feel about it now. But honouring your feelings, allowing the sadness to sweep over you, is the way you'll continue to heal. You won't always feel that way. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteCliché, yes, but so true. Time does help healing. A year ago I was so fragile and 18 months ago I never thought I'd be happy again. Now things are hitting me less hard and I am able to process and move past them quicker.
DeleteThat feature is the worst! One day, it picked a picture of me walking the ocean in Montauk at sunrise...in 2012, and all I could think was, "Wow, I was literally thinking about possible ways to kill myself that morning. Thanks for the cheerful start to the day, Facebook!" That and the fact that I not only have 9,000 current baby pics in my feed but also a slew of throwbacks from proud moms reposting their memories with shrill captions like, "They were so little!!!" Bah humbug!
ReplyDeleteOh wow! That's a rough one! I, for one, am glad that you are here to bitch about Facebook reminding you of that day. I know that dark place, and I'm glad you found your way out of it.
DeleteAnd the baby pictures, I hide them from my timeline. When Facebook prompts me to enter a reason, I click the "I find this offensive" bubble. I guess it's my passive-aggressive way of sticking it to "them."