I figured that since I took on the Pope in my last blog post that I would pull my post about god and religion and god out of the draft folder.
I've always wrestled with the concept of god. I didn't grow up in a religious family. I've never really been religious as an adult. I married a man who isn't religious. I haven't stepped foot in a church for purposes other than a wedding or a funeral in over a decade. I have a difficult time wrapping my head around things like prayer and the whole 'relationship with Jesus' thing that evangelicals preach. The idea of a higher power that as control over my life is just something that I can't believe.
My teenage years were where I really started to question the idea of god. This was the first time I asked the "why do bad things happen to good people?' question. I concluded then that there couldn't possibly be a god, or at least if there was he had no bearing on or control over what things happened to people. Infertility only strengthened my belief that there is no god.
So that brings me to those people who say that the fact that we weren't able to have children is god's will or it happens in god's time or whatever. It implies that I'm not good enough or worthy enough to have a child. Using that logic those addicted to drugs, teenagers, and those with five kids by five different men are more worthy than I am. No. Those people were all just lucky enough to have their biological functions work properly.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I might not believe in god or participate in organized religion, but I try to be a good person. I try to do the right things. I'm a good person because it's the right thing to do, not because some god or religion wants me to be.