Have you all seen the "memories" feature on Facebook? If not, it pulls memories from your timeline, usually pictures, and presents it to you as "on this day x years ago" and gives you the option to share the picture. For the most part I've found this feature to be pretty fun (and also made me realize how many pictures of my dog that I post on Facebook....). But yesterday it wasn't so fun. My pregnant sister shared a memory from her timeline that I was tagged in. The picture was taken in the summer of 2010 but for some reason she didn't add it to Facebook in November, and was of me, all three of my sisters, and our mom and dad. At first I thought it was a pretty neat picture and marveled at how young (and skinny!) I was. But my fascination was quickly quelled when my youngest sister, then 19, commented and said something along the lines of "Wow! I don't even remember taking this picture!" and my currently pregnant sister said "this was the day that you told us that you were pregnant with oldest niece."
And there it was.
Anger. Five years ago we were right at the beginning of our TTC journey and I was naive enough to think that I'd get pregnant easily.
Jealousy. Getting pregnant was easy for two of my three sisters. And the third seems to have forgotten the struggle now that she's pregnant.
Left behind. Only one sister had a child when the picture was taken, and he was an unplanned surprise. Now one sister has three, another sister has two, and the third sister is pregnant with her first.
Wistful. Their lives certainly aren't perfect, but I sometimes I can't help but long for what they have and I don't.
It's times like this when I realize that I have a lot of healing left to do.