It's hard to believe that this is the first time I'm sitting down to write a post since last year. Well actually it's not, I have a couple of posts that I'm chipping away on, but they're not done and I don't know that the timing has been right for them anyway. I'm also woefully behind on blog reading too, and I promise to catch up. Eventually. But as for tonight, I thought I'd give a brief update.
So what's been going on with me?
Anxiety. Surrounding the impending inauguration of the president-elect and what it means for my country. Even if I could get past the fact that he is a deplorable excuse for a human being (and I personally can't), his behavior since winning the election has only frightened me more. So many people have so much to lose. On the bright side (if you can even call it that), Las Vegas has the odds of him being impeached within six months at 4-1. I have a feeling that I'd better get used to my constantly burning stomach, because even if he is impeached, the vice president-elect isn't a whole lot better.
After several glorious months of my hormones having their shit together and behaving like would normally be expected in a woman my age, they're giving me a run for my money this cycle. The near constant spotting is back. So are the hot flashes. Insomnia is back with a vengeance. Whether because of the sleep problems or the hormones or the increased anxiety (or some combination of the three) my concentration and focus ability are extremely limited. It's not that I don't want to write, it's just that I literally have no brain power to do so by the time the end of the day comes and I have time to write. Like I told my doctor a few months ago, when everything is normal, I'm great, but when things are out of whack, I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of completely losing it.
Working out is going really good. I'm down about three pounds since we started, so a little under a pound a week average. While weight loss wasn't my primary objective (getting into shape and feeling better both mentally and physically were), I'm not going to complain about it. I'm getting in four or five workouts weekly, and focusing on a mix of cardio and weight lifting. I'm going to schedule a couple of visits with a trainer within the next couple of weeks, because I want to incorporate a few more exercises into my repertoire, and I want to make sure my form is good so that I don't hurt myself.
I'm actually amazed at how good working out is going and how good I feel. I'm doing things and feeling better doing them then I have in at least 10 years. I know that the lap to remove endometriosis/cysts/fibroids wasn't a magic bullet, but virtually all of my pelvic area pain since the surgery has been gone. I did overdo it in the gym one day and mildly aggravated the pain, but with a day of rest it went away, and now I know an exercise that I can't do (scissor kicks, if you were curious). I was worried that I went and screwed everything up and I'd be back to where I was before for about a day though and I was beating myself up pretty hard. But it went away and I'm trying harder to be nice to me.
And finally, my grandpa isn't doing well. He's 85 and basically his body is worn out and is slowly shutting down. A week ago he had a stroke while in the hospital and the medical staff wasn't confident that he'd wake up from it. He did wake up, is doing better, and he even went home yesterday (though at this point "doing better" is relative). Apparently resiliency and stubbornness run in the family. There's also been quite a bit of family drama, but I'll spare you that. Facing his imminent death has brought out a whole bunch of unexpected "what's going to happen to me when I get old" feelings. I have a post brewing about that. A huge shout-out to Cristy for talking me down from my minor freak out and helping me put things back into perspective.
So that's a brief update. Mainly I wanted you all to know that I'm not dead. I want to catch up on blogs soon, because I miss reading, and I feel out of the loop.