Thursday, January 19, 2017

A belated welcome to 2017

It's hard to believe that this is the first time I'm sitting down to write a post since last year.  Well actually it's not, I have a couple of posts that I'm chipping away on, but they're not done and I don't know that the timing has been right for them anyway.  I'm also woefully behind on blog reading too, and I promise to catch up.  Eventually.  But as for tonight, I thought I'd give a brief update.

So what's been going on with me?

Anxiety.  Surrounding the impending inauguration of the president-elect and what it means for my country.  Even if I could get past the fact that he is a deplorable excuse for a human being (and I personally can't), his behavior since winning the election has only frightened me more.  So many people have so much to lose.  On the bright side (if you can even call it that), Las Vegas has the odds of him being impeached within six months at 4-1.  I have a feeling that I'd better get used to my constantly burning stomach, because even if he is impeached, the vice president-elect isn't a whole lot better.

After several glorious months of my hormones having their shit together and behaving like would normally be expected in a woman my age, they're giving me a run for my money this cycle.  The near constant spotting is back.  So are the hot flashes.  Insomnia is back with a vengeance.  Whether because of the sleep problems or the hormones or the increased anxiety (or some combination of the three) my concentration and focus ability are extremely limited.  It's not that I don't want to write, it's just that I literally have no brain power to do so by the time the end of the day comes and I have time to write.  Like I told my doctor a few months ago, when everything is normal, I'm great, but when things are out of whack, I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of completely losing it.

Working out is going really good.  I'm down about three pounds since we started, so a little under a pound a week average.  While weight loss wasn't my primary objective (getting into shape and feeling better both mentally and physically were), I'm not going to complain about it.  I'm getting in four or five workouts weekly, and focusing on a mix of cardio and weight lifting.  I'm going to schedule a couple of visits with a trainer within the next couple of weeks, because I want to incorporate a few more exercises into my repertoire, and I want to make sure my form is good so that I don't hurt myself.

I'm actually amazed at how good working out is going and how good I feel.  I'm doing things and feeling better doing them then I have in at least 10 years.  I know that the lap to remove endometriosis/cysts/fibroids wasn't a magic bullet, but virtually all of my pelvic area pain since the surgery has been gone.  I did overdo it in the gym one day and mildly aggravated the pain, but with a day of rest it went away, and now I know an exercise that I can't do (scissor kicks, if you were curious).  I was worried that I went and screwed everything up and I'd be back to where I was before for about a day though and I was beating myself up pretty hard.  But it went away and I'm trying harder to be nice to me.

And finally, my grandpa isn't doing well.  He's 85 and basically his body is worn out and is slowly shutting down.  A week ago he had a stroke while in the hospital and the medical staff wasn't confident that he'd wake up from it.  He did wake up, is doing better, and he even went home yesterday (though at this point "doing better" is relative).  Apparently resiliency and stubbornness run in the family. There's also been quite a bit of family drama, but I'll spare you that.  Facing his imminent death has brought out a whole bunch of unexpected "what's going to happen to me when I get old" feelings.  I have a post brewing about that.  A huge shout-out to Cristy for talking me down from my minor freak out and helping me put things back into perspective.

So that's a brief update.  Mainly I wanted you all to know that I'm not dead.  I want to catch up on blogs soon, because I miss reading, and I feel out of the loop.


  1. it is lovely to see your first post this year and to know what is going on in your life.
    Wishing you all the best for the New Year!

  2. I'm frightened too. Granted, what has happened is we've exposed all the darkness that has been happening within our political system for awhile now, but seeing how bad the situation is is still frightening. I give Trump 2 years to be impeached. Here's hoping he'll take Pence with him (though Paul Ryan as president scares me too).

    Have you contacted your GYN about this cycle? I would as it's one thing to tell them, it's a whole other for them to see you while you're symptomatic (sad that this is true). We still know so little about how our hormones regulate our bodies, so it is important to advocate for yourself even when they push back.

    Awesome about working out! Feel free to hound me.

    And you have handled your family situation like a champ. There's still the road ahead, but truly given all that's been happening most would have curled up in the corner. Hang in there. And let me know if/when you need support as you navigate all of this.

    1. I agree on all points, except I think that the impeachment will happen a bit sooner. I told someone that Trump versus Pence is like wishing for a slow and painful death from dehydration from diphtheria or wishing for a slow an painful death from a brain eating amoeba. Both equally terrible, just different types of terrible.

      I haven't contacted the GYN. I know I should....

  3. Sorry to hear about your Grandpa and also the family drama. Great to hear the working out is going well and you're feeling healthier!

  4. Hi BnB I'm happy to hear you are not dead.
    Insomnia and head-fog is a real killer, I hope that eases off. What can you do for those cycle symptoms: have the docs suggested anything concrete to help? I hope so. Sorry to hear about your grandpa. Yes these things do throw up a lot of psychological flotsam and those feelings about our own old ages. I've been thinking about these things a lot lately and I'd be very interested to read your future post about that. Take care,

    1. So far the suggestions have been Prozac, birth control, and the med that induces temporary menopause (name escapes me at the moment). I'm not inclined to take a mind altering drug unless I absolutely think I need to. Birth control isn't a good option for me because I've always reacted terribly to it, I have trouble getting over the mental hurdle of taking a pill to prevent pregnancy (even if that's not what I'm taking it for). Plus, my employer sponsored healthcare plan doesn't cover birth control. Right now I can get it for free thanks to the ACA, but with the likelihood of it's repeal, that will go away. I can afford it, but I don't want to and I shouldn't have to.

  5. Hi BnB, I finally went to the gym for the first time yesterday, and I thought of you! :) I went again today so now I'm on a roll I guess. Haha. Like you, I'm surprised how good it feels. I'm glad you're not experiencing pain.

    I'm sorry your grandpa is not doing well. That is never easy. I will keep you in my thoughts. <3

    Looking forward to your writing this year! Thank you, Phoenix

    1. Good for you! How's the gym going now? Stick with it...even when you don't feel like going, force yourself.

  6. It is good to hear from you :-)! I am sorry about the hot flashes and the sleep problems though. Hope it will get better soon. Will be thinking of you and your grandpa!

  7. Good grief, reading on my phone or iPad and not being able to comment always makes me the last commenter!

    I laughed at the Las Vegas odds of impeachment. I didn't know that.

    Sorry about the cycle from hell. Insomnia, hot flashes (as you Americans say), constant spotting - they make you feel horrible, and are constant reminders of what you're going through. Hugs.

    Also sorry about your grandpa. And the resultant freak out. I think it's very hard to see anyone elderly and declining, and not relate it to our own situations. More hugs.

    1. You rock, Mali! If it means anything, I never get notifications of your comments by email. I get them for everybody else, just not you. :(

      Thanks for all of the hugs. I swear just knowing that I have people in my corner helps me wade through everything.

      I think that Vegas (or at least the betters) are a bit optimistic with their prediction. I think it will happen, I just don't think it will happen that fast.

  8. Impeachment can't come soon enough, although it's certainly a messy process -- and yes, Mike Pence would wind up President. :p Although he's slightly more conventional than Trump. Still detestable, but somewhat more likely to adhere to convention, I think. Good for you for working out! I have been doing entirely too much sitting around the house the last few weeks. Weather being what it is, it's harder to get out, but we did spend three hours at a mall today so got some walking in.

    And I am sorry to hear about your Grandpa. :( I was lucky enough to have mine for 37 years, and I knew he was probably ready to go, but it still hurt like hell when the time came to say goodbye -- especially since it came so soon after we lost Katie. :( Sending (((hugs))).