Wednesday, August 24, 2016

On my second blogaversary

Two years.  Two.  That's how long I've been blogging.

41,137 page views
177 posts
1406 comments

The stats don't provide the full picture though.

Friendships
Empathy
Compassion
Growth
Knowing
Acceptance

Those things and their impact can't be measured.

I do not have adequate words to express my gratitude for everyone who has been here for all or even part of this journey.  I owe a lot of the credit for where I am today to you.  The readers of this blog have been simply amazing.  I wouldn't be where I am if not for you. 

I am not the person that I was two years ago when I clicked "publish" and took my first blog post live.  I'm stronger.  I'm more confident.  I am resilient.  I've learned the importance of embracing grief, sitting with it, and working through it.  I've learned that my feelings are just as valid as anyone else's and that I don't have to apologize for how I feel.  In the last couple of weeks I've had more than one person tell me "you seem different" or "you seem more alive."  And the answer to both of those statements is that I am.  I'm emerging from the black cloud of infertility.  Dare I say it, I'm even happy most of the time.

There have been a lot of hard things in my second year of blogging.  I skipped my sister's baby shower and caused a bit of family drama.  My sister gave birth to my nephew and promptly forgot the struggle of infertility.  Two of my nieces celebrated their first birthdays.  I saw the conclusion of 22 consecutive months of at least one sister being pregnant.  Plus all of the unexpected stuff that jumps out and smacks me in the face when I least expect it. 

But there have also been a ton of great things about the past year.  Hubs and I bought a house and spent time fixing it up (only one urgent care visit required-so far) before we moved at the end of May.  Buying a house, I think, was a huge step in healing.  It is a happy house.  A house of hope and healing.  I got to meet fellow bloggers Justine and Sarah and for the first time in a really long time I could just be.  Conversation hasn't come that easy in everyday life!  I celebrated my 35th birthday and finally understood the cause of my midlife crisis.  I also took a huge step and outed hubs and I on Facebook for National Infertility Awareness Week, and the response was better than I ever could have imagined and I regained a lot of faith in my fellow humans. 

I'm looking forward to year three of blogging and reading blogs.  I hope I have enough to write about!  In the coming weeks you get to hear about my (overdue) annual visit to the gynecologist, always a treat for us infertility survivors.  My sister is also planning family pictures  for October, so I'm sure this will provide plenty of good topics for writing too, since, to put it nicely, I am not looking forward to this.

I've been buried with work lately.  I look forward to catching up on all of your blogs soon!  But in the meantime, thanks for reading, and thanks for being there for me.

15 comments:

  1. Happy blogoversary! Wishing you many more years with the good outweighing the bad, much healing and lots of happy moments.

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    1. Thanks, Cristy! For the first time in a long time, good things came to mind when I reflected on a year.

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  2. Happy blogoversary! I love your lists of the tangible and intangible elements of your blog, to steal from Torthuil. I can honestly say that it's hard to run out of material, especially with things like family pictures coming up, so I look forward to reading your future posts! From this post, I loved this so much: "I've learned the importance of embracing grief, sitting with it, and working through it." I just love your voice and perspective.

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    1. Thanks! I am constantly amazed that people enjoy reading my ramblings. I think it's the sense of community. The embrace of people who get "it."

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  3. Wow, 22 months of pregnant sisters: survivor, indeed! Congrats on 2 years of writing and reclaiming :)

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    1. That is a pretty crazy statistic, isn't it? Ridiculous, really.

      Reclaiming is the perfect word. My first year of blogging mainly dealt with visceral grief, but my second year has been a lot about reclaiming me.

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  4. Happy blogoversary! I am looking forward to all of your future posts.
    lots of love from sLOVEnia,
    Klara

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    1. Thanks, Klara! Much LOVE to you too! I am so thankful for your friendship!

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  5. It's been an honour and a privilege to join you on this journey, to have seen you heal and grow, and to have been part of a community with you. I'm sure you will have plenty more to write about - hopefully more ups than downs - because your voice is a valuable one. Congratulations on two years of thoughtful, painful, considerate writing!

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  6. Thanks, Mali! I hope for more ups than downs too! Writing has been so therapeutic!

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  7. Happy Blogoversary! I feel like there should be a disclaimer on the side of your blog now telling anyone who is new to infertility and needs to feel like someone else gets it to go back to the beginning. I remember the night I found your blog, I was melting down because my best friend was pregnant and showing my husband one of your posts and saying "THIS ! THIS EXPLAINS HOW I FEEL" because I couldn't. You (and I!) have definitely come a long way, and your blog as a whole is a really valuable resource for those going through this process. So Thanks for writing about it.

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    1. Thanks, M! It's so humbling to find out that I gave words to your feelings and helped you explain it to your husband. Actually, I'm tearing up just reading it. We have both come such a long way!

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  8. Congrats! Well done! I am glad you are writing and sharing your journey. It is a gift to us all :-).

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    1. Thanks, Elaine! You are an important voice too!

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  9. Happy blogoversary! :) I love that note of optimism I "hear" in your online voice! It's been fun following you from the early days & seeing how your journey has evolved. I am coming up to 9 years of blogging (!!) this fall, and I am still amazed some days that I am still finding things to write about -- so you never know where this thing will take you...! Looking forward to reading more! :)

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