Monday, May 25, 2015

Saturday

For whatever reason kids are drawn to hubs.  All of them, from toddlers to teenagers.  He regularly plays legos, video games, dolls, cars, board games, whatever.  Heck, around Christmas my then almost four year old niece painted his nails a lovely shade of obnoxious pink with glitter and he proudly wore it for a couple of days.  He's always the guy the nieces and nephews go to if they want to read a book, help with homework, or learn something new.

On Saturday we went to one of those paint your own pottery places, where you pick a piece of unpainted pottery and different glazes, paint it however you choose, and then pick up the finished product in a week.  As we were sitting there painting a mother and her daughter (maybe 3) walked in to the shop to pick something up.  The little girl honed right in on hubs, walked up to him, and stood and watched him quietly for a minute before starting to ask him approximately 724698014932 questions about what he was painting and why he was painting it.  He patiently answered her questions as he sat there painting.  It lasted maybe five minutes before they left, but it was absolutely adorable to witness.

As I reflected on the day I realized that the experience wasn't a painful one.  I didn't at any point feel that familiar pang of "my husband would have been such a great dad and now he won't be because of me."  Instead I felt pride that my husband took a few minutes to make a little girl's day.  He would have been an amazing dad and he won't get that opportunity, but he will get many opportunities to make a difference in the lives of other people's kids, even if it's just a couple of minutes in a pottery shop.

It was a great day.  When the progress of acceptance seems slow (or maybe even stalled or going the wrong direction) it's frustrating.  Most of the week before had been rough and left me feeling pretty raw and vulnerable, but then Saturday happened and not only did it not hurt, but it left me feeling happy.  It's times like this where I know that everything will be ok.

*****

My sister called me on Friday and asked if I would come and support her in the delivery room.  I'm the oldest and she's the youngest, at 10 years younger than I am.  She's always viewed me as more of a parental influence than as a big sister.  I told her that I wouldn't be able to, but that I'd be thinking about her and have my fingers crossed when the time came and would be waiting by the phone for news.  She didn't push or beg.  It was hard to tell her no because I've always been there for her, but I knew that's what I had to do.  I'll be there for her, just not in person.  It wouldn't have been fair to me to put myself in that situation.

8 comments:

  1. carissima BnB,
    I am so glad about your Saturday experience.
    I know you love your sister. And that she loves you.
    But I think it is really selfish of her to ask that. No, you can't be with her in the delivery room. I could write a whole novel of reasons why not.
    un abbraccio forte.

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    1. Grazie, amica. It's just more proof that people who've never been through infertility don't understand how an innocent request can be so hurtful. I know that she didn't mean for it to hurt, but I also think that she didn't pause to consider my feelings either. I guess I hadn't thought of it in that way before just now.

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  2. Your hubby does sound like he would make a great father. Kids are always full of a million questions so it was nice that he was patient in answering them all. I am really happy to hear that your Saturday trip turned out to be a good one. Days like that are good for the soul.

    I think, I would have said the same as you had my sister asked me that. It would be a hard thing to see someone else having their baby. It would be a little "in your face" I guess.

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    1. Days like that are good for the soul. We need to do stuff like that more often.

      I can't help but think that the whole time I would be in there that I would be holding back tears and thinking about how I'm never going to experience it. I hate infertility.

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  3. Felt pangs of familiar longing and bittersweeness in reading your hubs story. Kids have always been drawn to my guy, too. And like yours, he always makes time and would have been a fabulous father. Glad you felt some goodness around the experience.

    As for the request from your sister, I so understand your head and heart ...

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    1. Hubs definitely would have been a fabulous father...he's pretty amazing. I'm sure the same applies to your guy too.

      I did feel a little guilt saying no. It seems like it is a huge honor to be asked to be there for such an intimate moment, but I knew I couldn't.

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  4. My husband is also a natural kid magnet. We were at a family gathering this past weekend & I am not sure who was having more fun, him or the kids. :) It's less painful for me to watch than it used to be, although I still get the odd "ouch" moment. And good for you for holding your ground & doing what you need to do to protect yourself. I am sure you will find some other way to recognize & support your sister and her new baby.

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    1. It seems like our husbands being kid magnets is a theme! :) I don't think the ouch moments will ever completely go away, but it was a nice change of pace for something like that to not hurt.

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