I don't dream often, or at least if I do I don't remember the dreams. Or maybe I just don't sleep enough to dream. Anyway, last night I had two infertility related dreams that shook me up.
The first dream was weird and completely unlikely to happen. I was at a press conference. I got the distinct impression that it was at a hospital because I was in a hospital gown and there were doctors beside me. I don't know what the press conference was about but all of the reporters were asking me if I had kids, when I planned to have kids, why I don't have kids, etc. Finally I started crying and telling them that they weren't supposed to ask me those questions.
The second dream was very realistic and not completely unlikely to actually happen. In the dream I was talking to my youngest sister about her daughter (my oldest niece) going to preschool. I was outlining all of the positives of attending two years of preschool as opposed to one when my sister dropped the "you're not a parent, you can't possibly know anything about when is the right time to send a kid to preschool*." This hurt, even in the dream. I got the distinct impression from the dream that I did not plan to talk to my sister again anytime soon. *I try to keep this blog at least semi anonymous, but I feel compelled to point out here that yes, I actually do know a lot about best practices in the field of education. More than most of the general population in fact, and definitely more than my sister.
I woke up in tears and drenched in sweat, courtesy of my nightly night sweats (a term that I don't think adequately conveys the true miserableness of them). Even after the tears receded I couldn't fall back to sleep because I was thinking about the dreams. So I got up. At 3:30am. It's going to be a long day. At least it's Friday. Ugh.
It's bad enough that infertility finds some way to torment me on a near daily basis in my awake hours, but I really wish it wouldn't infiltrate my dreams too.