Thursday, October 16, 2014

The Things I Can Control

This week has been rough.  I've been on the verge of an ugly cry since the weekend.  I've been in a lot of situations in the past week where I've felt like an outcast.  So much of the lives of others revolve around their family and when there is a family centric conversation I have nothing to contribute.  What's worse is that some of the people have actually expressed envy that we don't have children and can do as we please.  I feel left out and I hate that.  To top it off, work has been pretty crazy too.  I'm still not fully caught up from being out for a week for jury duty, and now there's the hectic-ness of midterms.  I feel like I'll never get fully caught up.  I can't control any of that.

One thing that I can control is going to the gym.  Between grad school and TTC I hadn't regularly hit the gym for a few (too many) years.  Not surprisingly I lost muscle, gained weight, and wasn't happy with how I looked.  A few months ago I decided to go back.  I needed to reclaim this part of my life.  At first it was pretty rough.  I was in the worst shape of my life and results didn't happen quickly, but I stuck with it.  Yesterday I was feeling particularly sorry for myself and quite honestly I just needed something to show me that I'm pretty darn awesome.  As I was walking out of the changing room at the gym I passed a mirror.  Usually I avoid looking at myself in full length mirrors because I haven't been happy with my appearance in such a long time but yesterday I caught a glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye.  I stopped.  Rather than critiquing myself I focused on the good.  The change.  I'm finally starting to see change! Admittedly I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it and I'll get there.

When I started this blog I wanted to keep it anonymous, or at least semi-annoymous.  I never thought I'd post a picture of myself, but here I am.  I was so proud of my observations at the gym yesterday that I made hubs take a picture of me when I got home.  I should have done a true "before" picture, but this will have to do.  The picture is crappy and I look like hell (just got home from the gym), but I'm proud of the changes and wanted to share them.  So here you go: (picture removed for privacy)


Because I'll never take myself too serious and will always be able to laugh at myself, yes, my pants are too short.  When you're six feet tall finding pants that are long enough is challenging and at some point you give up caring (for gym clothes, not work clothes).  

8 comments:

  1. Love the short pants! I am 5'2'' and I am always on the lookout for the pants that can show my bare ankles :)

    Sorry you had a rough week, it will get better. You look wonderful, and yes I can tell right away you've been working out. It is such a good feeling to actually be able to look at your reflection and say 'I look great!". I am still avoiding mirrors but I've started working out again and I love the few extra endorphins I'm getting every day because of that :) Hopefully one day I can fit again into my 'control' pair of jeans and then I promise to take a picture of myself as well :)

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    1. LOL! You and I have the same exact problem (length of pants), we're just at opposite ends of the spectrum. :)

      Thanks for the encouragement. Really. So few people actually understand the inevitable ups and downs and I know that you do and that you're right there going through it with me.

      It's sort of funny how once we change our life goals we start to take care of ourselves again. I'm glad you're back in the gym too! I can't wait to see your 'control' jeans picture! If you have a FitBit and want to "compete", shoot me an email.

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  2. That is so true about feeling the need to take care of ourselves! Somehow health and looks seemed so insignificant in the light of pursuing that miracle baby, and now the priorities are definitely changing :)
    I looked into FitBit but I don't have the patience to record everything and not sure about the gadgets. Maybe, I should look at it one more time since I would use all motivation I can get :) Does it help you?

    Love the new blog layout and your Intro about yourself!

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    1. The FitBit is a fun toy. I could easily do what I'm doing without it, but I'm also a data nerd and like that it tracks everything with very little effort on my part. If you have a smart phone you can automatically sync it to your phone so you don't even have to make the effort to log on to the website. Mainly what I like is that it keeps me cognizant of how much I'm moving (or not moving). I also like the sleep tracking function, though it tells me what I already knew, which is to say I sleep like crap.

      Glad you like the new layout! I thought the old layout was too busy, I was bored with it, and I like the simplicity of the layout of some other blogs. I wasn't sure what to write in the intro because it's hard to introduce yourself in 1200 characters or less so hopefully it accurately portrays who I am. :)

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    2. I think I will try the FitBit (Flex) as a Christmas gift :)

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    3. Excellent! Hit me up when you get it and I'll pass along my info!

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  3. Just call them capris, lol. ;) Good for you! I have been walking with dh, 30-45 minutes, 3-5 times a week since I lost my job in July, and I am noticing a difference, too. Not a huge difference, but I've lost about 8 lbs. (I could probably stand to lose at least another 30...) and my gut doesn't look quite so prominent. Baby steps...!

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  4. Capris it is! LOL!

    Kudos on your weight loss and noticing a difference in your body! My theory is that we didn't put it on overnight so it's perfectly ok if it doesn't come off overnight as well!. Plus slow and steady is much better anyway.

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